Dυcнeѕѕ Weѕтerlαɴd, Coleттe Iѕѕαвell Sυттoɴ
AGE 19
Colette turns 19 on January 9th (A December b-day did not fit into my story well)
INTERESTS | Sir Francis (RI) | King Henry (FI) | Dona Blanca (FI) | Don Leo (FI)
STORY - COMPLETE
NOVEMBER - DETERMINATION - COMPLETE
It was conveyed that the sickness was pass and we were all relieved of our confinement and expected to return to Whitehall. I had struggled with my feelings over the remaining part of October and had decided it was time for me to get my personal situation in order. I had allowed my life to be in limbo for far too long, accepting that my husbands neglect was acceptable. With his death there were only more questions and unease to be felt. Francis had let me know there was no heir to the dukedom so what would happen… to it… and to me?
The deaths were announced and of course I wore the obligatory mourning clothes, black and grays… which I should technically wear for at least six months in honor of my husband. In the first thirty days I completely concealed myself… wearing full covering including a face veil. It was what I appeared in when I approached the Queen within my arrival to Whitehall in that first week. Respectfully I requested some time to handle my affairs, wishing to visit the Westerland duchy and figure out what my life was to become. To which she replied through the haze of her piety and righteousness that it was not for me to concern myself with. There was little need for me to assert myself into the dukedom’s matters and that the King would see to everything. My only responsibility and commitment should be to focus on my duties to her.
Needless to say, I felt annoyed. Of course I bowed respectfully and bit back any words of frustration I wanted to express but even as I walked away I refused to accept the finality of her words. I suppose it didn’t help me feel dutiful or submissive to her will considering the rumors that were fluttering about. I had no interest in the gossip, if truth were told, but it certainly was hard to avoid. The talk of divorce, the rumors of Henry and Lady Anne, the arrivals of delegates and lawyers did not bode well for the Queen. Much as I thought in the month before the sickness struck. Henry was not the sort of man that seemed to like to be denied what he wanted. So, in my mind… Katherine’s continued standing and position as Queen was definitely not a guarantee. I felt a little sorry for her, for all women really. We truly had no course except that which men set forth for us.
But… Katherine… was losing position… and her authority was beginning to ween. So, with that in mind, I sent a note making a request for the King’s consideration for an audience to meet with him. It was several hours later, but eventually I was permitted to enter and to visit with the King.
He did seem very preoccupied, but he greeted me kindly and offered his condolence over my loss. There were several of his gentlemen in attendance when I was ushered in to speak with him directly in the Great Chambers.
“You are kind Your Highness, and I hope that I may continue to be in your good graces.” I say softly standing before him. He arched a brow, “I am sorry to bring this too you when you have so much going on, but… with my husband’s death I am a bit at a loss. I have heard that an unsavory sort has taken residence in the duchy home and that with the Duke’s death there is no one there to address the household needs, or to ascertain the existing finances. And… well I asked Queen Katherine if I may be excused from court for a short time to check on these matters.” He looked a bit surprised by my words and frowned a little. I got the feeling that he may have been about to agree with her assessment, but I continued before he could speak. “She assured me in her most pious manner that she had no cause to see why I should stop serving her at this time… that I belonged in her service not concerning myself with these matters that would surely affect my life greatly” To which he frowned a bit harder.
Honestly, I had chosen my words carefully, having thought long and hard about the current situation and my own personal knowledge of Henry when I made my request to speak with him. He had a rather large ego and he liked it to be stroked. Anyone that spent any amount of time in his company would know that. He also did not like being told what he should or shouldn’t do. And… as I noted before, it was hard not to hear the gossip of how Katherine was refusing to give in to what Henry wanted most at the moment. He was not pleased with her denying him.
“I defer to your judgement of course and know that my life is at your whim Your Majesty, I simply wish to know that I have not been left a pauper or that my home is in safe standing… that is all and… I do not believe that Her Majesty will suffer greatly for lack of adequate service should I be allowed a short time away…”
Just then there was a loud rustle at the entrance to the room and I turned to see that Francis had entered carrying some sort of parchments. He looked at me, there was no mistaking that, but thankfully my veil hid the shadows that hung under my swollen eyes and I was certain that he would not know how much seeing him hurt me. Henry immediately seemed anxious and quickly sought to dismiss me.
“It is fine Your Grace, you are permitted to go tend to your affairs, you will speak with My Lord Chamberlain for any assistance you need to ensure your safe travels, but be sure to return to court by December, there will be glad tidings to share I am sure by then” And he stood seeming confident that his ‘Great Matter’ would be resolved sooner rather than later. I nodded and quietly turned to leave. I also bowed my head in Francis’ direction and greet him quietly before escaping the chamber. I had no intention of letting him know how humiliated I felt over our last interaction. My pride would not allow me to suffer his indifference and that anger I had felt the last time we met.
I did not approach Katherine or inform her of my plans either, with the King’s permission I did not have to. Two days after speaking with the King I was just finishing packing my small valise for the trip when a knock sounded at my door. I had sent Sabrina off to find a footman so I went and pulled the door to see Blanca standing there. I smiled softly and reached out to wrap her in a hug.
“I am so glad that you are safe…” I whispered as I embraced her. She welcomed the hug, returned it then smiled a little but it was definitely full of hesitation.
“You are leaving? We just got back…” she remarked as the footman arrived and I gave him instructions to take the valise down to the waiting carriage.
“For just a little while… I am going to Westerland.” I stated firmly as both the footman and Sabrina disappeared again. I invited Blanca in to sit with her for a few moments.
“You still look pale, you need more rest and likely to spend some time in the sun really soon” I mentioned patting her hand softly. She really looked incredibly sad, but she nodded in return.
“Yes, it is mostly what I do… eat and rest, trying to regain my strength… I wanted to speak with you, thank you for the lovely note and let you know that I want everything to be good between us again.”
“Blanca you are a dearest friend and I hope that will always be true”
“Why are you leaving though… off to Westerland… for what purpose?”
“Duke Westerland has died” I answered simply, it really was the whole scheme behind my actions.
“Fernando has died too” She whimpered softly and I noticed that her calm façade cracked a little. Tears welled up in her eyes that did not spill down her cheeks.
“Yes… it was indeed incredibly sad tidings. I did not realize that you two were so close, I am so sorry to see how it has affected you”
“He was sweet and fun and witty. I enjoyed his company yes…” she murmured
“I am sure he is in God’s good graces now” I utter in a reassuring tone, mostly because it seemed like the most appropriate thing to say. My own wavering idea of faith and religion did not mean that I would deny other’s their belief or even spit in the face of it. As far as I knew Blanca had as deep a reverence for religion as her cousin Katherine, even if she was not as rigorously pious.
“Yes, we must believe it so” Blanca smiled tearfully as she looked up at me. “And the Duke… I shall pray for his soul”
“Yes, someone should probably do that” I murmur under my breath but it seemed as if Blanca heard and even understood me. She looked confused. So I shared a small portion of what I knew of Duke Westerland, the rumor of his cruel and lecherous behavior, the tells of how grandiose he lived and splurged on the dukedom’s funds, and about the alleged mistress installed in the duchy home. I did not discuss my incidents with him to her, and I would never discuss them with anyone ever. Sharing the details of my own personal dealings with the Duke would not change that he was dead, and in the end, I would never again have to endure the man again. There was only one other person that knew of the encounters, and as far as I was concerned one other was more than enough.
“Aye dios mios, but what are you going to do?” she asked curiously… “I am surprised Queen Katherine gave permission for you to leave right now… things seem to be getting a bit out of sorts”
I stood and shook my head slightly, “The Queen has stated that she did not agree to my leaving.” I admit honestly, and the look she gave me had me rushing to relay the rest of my news… “But I obtained the King’s permission to make the trip as it is most important to me to see my future begin to make sense to me”
The alarmed frown of concern that etched Blanca’s forehead was really not altogether unexpected. She consistently seemed to feel it her duty to give caution and instruction into my life. “But if the Queen would prefer you stay… it will be a difficult time for her” Blanca suggested looking incredibly sad because it was obvious that she was aware of the rumors regarding Henry’s Great Matter. She would have to be daft to not heed the proceedings and activities. Everything hinted to Henry achieving his goal.
“Yes Blanca… I imagine Queen Katherine is rather anxious over what will happen in her life should she lose her husband” I state the likely outcome quite bluntly, I did not wish her fate upon her. It was a sordid mess and it seemed to me that Katherine’s only failing had been in not giving the King a male heir. But Katherine was not the only person dealing with troubling circumstances.
“I am quite sympathetic to her plight considering that I have just lost mine and am in a confusing place of uncertainty. I thought that she might consider my predicament, prove to be a true friend and support as she expected of me… as she reflected on her own situation. But it seemed that only her comfort was of paramount concern and her need to surround herself with allies… struck me quite personally” I paused and shrugged my shoulders lightly. “Luckily for me, I was familiar with someone that outranked her and could give consent that she could not object to”
“Colette you cannot think he is your friend… that he would look out for you…”
I frowned a little at her callous comments. I did in fact think I had found a bit of favor with the King although I was not delusional to think I held his extreme confidence or never-ending loyalty. I was a companion that he enjoyed time with, nothing more as far as I was aware. “What I think is that he is rather preoccupied with his own interests right now and knew that my being here had absolutely no bearing what so ever on anything that would happen in either the Queen's or his life.”
Just then the footman and Sabrina reappeared at my rooms and I nodded then looked back to Blanca.
“I am sorry, I really should be going. But… if you are interested, I would like to spend some time together upon my return… I imagine it is going to be rather hectic over the next few weeks…”
She nodded but continued to give me a look of concern. But I hugged her and smiled not wanting us to have any lingering concern.
I was filled with a tiny measure of relief as the carriage trotted away from the palace. I had no interest in the whirlwind of chaos smoldering under that roof. And I had to give myself credit... I had only thought about Francis maybe a handful of times before making my retreat. I was determined to focus on figuring out my place and not wasting energy on pointless emotions.
NOVEMBER - ACCEPTANCE - COMPLETE
The trip to Westerland had been wrought with tension. The actress was still embedded in the mansion and had refused to remove herself. Sadly, for her… the servants in residence did not seem particularly loyal or dutiful and had been more than willing to side with me against her once they were informed that I was the current Duchess of Westerland… the real one. The King’s men that I had been loaned assisted with the matter and within days I was busily seeing to the books and the household matters, trying to get all the chaos the deceased Duke and his … actress… had caused in order. The mansion itself was beautiful, the structure… it was sound and sturdy. But the interior was shabby and unkempt. The actress apparently took little interest in maintaining any sort of quality and did not at all seemed concerned with cleanliness. I was also alarmed by the amount of spending the two of them had done in a matter of six months not to mention the lack of management of the estate. I could not see any adequate accounting of the tenant collections or agriculture distribution. After taking a long hard look at the finances, gathering a bit of knowledge over what was being neglected and what needed to be improved I began setting appointments to meet with the staff.
Three days within my arrival, Lord Wycliff, who happened to be the Steward of Westerland, appeared before me and immediately begged my forgiveness. I initially planned to toss him out but gave him a moment to explain himself. It seemed that he was under pressure from the young Duke to act in behaviors he did not approve of towards me. I, of course, explained that we all have to make our choices and that we must stand by them. But he again began to profess his disparaging embarrassment over his actions, and I could remember how anxious and unease he seemed that day despite his rude actions. So, in the end, I offered Lord Wycliff one opportunity to prove himself and his loyalty. He could stay… for now… but if one hint of misconduct was heard of… I would rid Westerland of his presence.
There were a handful of individuals that were just too ostentatious and belligerent… that seemed entirely too loyal to the perverse Duke and so were fired out right. Some department heads seemed incapable of handling the responsibilities of their position and so were reassigned and given different roles that seemed to be better suited to their individual talents. I had the home cleaned from top to bottom, chimneys and rustles cleared, shutters repaired, windows rendered spotless, rugs brushed and banged free of debris and dust, furniture … was cleaned to the best of the staffed ability. With the state of the dukedom’s finances I would not risk purchasing new furniture, but it was one of the items that I listed as a necessity once the incomes started to rebuild. All in all, by the time I needed to leave, to return to court, I felt I had better people in positions that would continue to strive for improvements at the estate, people I could converse with should I need a report and accounting of daily activities and finances. The property needed a lot of attention, and it would not be easy to turn everything around… it would take time. But I felt that it could be done. And I felt no small measure of pride at how I had handled the operations once I was there.
Upon returning to Whitehall I felt exhausted but strangely excited. I had gotten a thrill from digging into that chaos at Westerland, knowing that I would be a part of correcting it. But then I had a sobering thought that anything could happen still. King Henry had not really taken the time to consider what would happen to Westerland now that the Duke was dead, at least I did not think he had… he certainly had not remarked upon it to me. There was no heir apparent… but could there be another male in the family line? Some cousin or uncle that could retain the title? I honestly did not know. And so all of my attention over the past couple of weeks could all have been for naught. I liked the work I had done in the past weeks, strides I made in putting things to rights. I liked the responsibility, and power, and control I felt being a Duchess. I remembered undervaluing my status when it had been given to me… and through the months of discovering who I was to become. It had taken months for me to reconcile with the idea of the type of woman I could be.
I had been so lost in thought that I didn’t even realize where I was until suddenly, I looked up and noticed that I stood outside of the chapel. I paused and oddly enough felt drawn into its chamber. It was literally the first time I had gone to the chapel of my own free accord. Every other time I had been here was in service to Katherine… following behind her to Mass and her daily ritual of prayers.
The chamber was almost completely empty now. And I didn’t really spare a huge amount of time trying to figure out what the Lady Lavina might be contemplating. I noticed her, bent in prayer… or so it seemed, her hands gripping something tightly between her fingers and her face looking so calm. But I slipped into a pew two rows behind her, not wishing to disturb her. I wasn’t here to pray… I knew that without even a second thought. I looked up at the intricate details in the room then at the alter
“I like who I am…” I saw Lady Lavina jump and I blushed, not realizing that I had uttered the words aloud.
“That is good… would be hard living with oneself if you did not particularly like yourself” she chuckled softly, and I smirked as well.
“Yes… I meant… I think I came here to tell … him… that… God you know. I do not imagine he will like who I am, but I do…”
We sat there in silence for a few minutes before she asked in that soft solemn voice of hers “Why do you think he would not like you?”
I almost didn’t answer. I usually wouldn’t share with someone I barely knew. But something about that room… the silence… her quiet demeanor seemed to coerce the words out of me… as if sharing my secret within the confines of this space would relieve me somehow.
“Because… I want more than to just be a man’s property... I want more than being a wife or a mother… because I like feeling powerful and independent… I liked taking risks, and facing danger… and even though I never lay with my husband... I like sex… quite a lot”
Then I turned to look at Lavina, her eyes watching me. And to be honest, I could not read her thoughts. She looked as serene as she had when I entered the room. She could easily have been judging me… disgusted by my admission but she kept it to herself. I do not know why I felt the urge to be so candid with her… especially when I had other ‘friends’ that seemed especially concerned with my secrets and urging me to share my thoughts with them regularly. But there it was.
“I apologize for my bluntness…” then I chuckled lightly, “yet another trait he may find lacking in a woman of nobility” and I rose from the pew. “I would ask that you keep these thoughts of mine to yourself… but I realize that they are out in the world now and so left in your hands to do with as you may…”
Then I exited, feeling rather lighthearted and carefree.
DECEMBER - CONSIDERATION - COMPLETE
Everyone was in chaos. That was pretty much the best way to describe the palace during December. Henry was in a rage because his Great Matter was yet to be resolved, Katherine was still stubbornly refusing to abdicate despite how very ruthless Henry was being in trying to be rid of her. And the non-stop chattering about religion and reform was sweeping not only the halls of Whitehall… but reportedly across the nation. Some of Katherine’s supporters celebrated her win over the Pope and the courts. I however kept all my thoughts to myself. I still stood by my belief that Henry was not the sort of man that accepted defeat easily.
And I was right. Within days of the court decision, proud, arrogant, determined Henry denounced the Roman Catholic Church and made himself Supreme Head of the Church of England. A church embracing the Protestant Reformation. Secretly, I did not feel at all like Henry was particularly concerned with church doctrine… I was confident that his desire to abdicate from the Roman faith had everything to do with their refusal to agree to Henry’s divorce.
For the most part, I spent my time mostly avoiding the gossip. And most people gave me peace, I was in mourning after all and they wouldn’t wish to cause me any disturbed emotions. I reviewed notices from Westerland, accounts would be detailed and delivered to me on a regular basis and it appeared that the tenants were starting to get back in line now that someone was actually holding them accountable. But it wasn’t just that they were being held accountable… it was that finally someone from the estate was showing an interest in their wellbeing. I made sure that provisions were issued and repairs made where necessary. They needed to feel what they did mattered… I was beginning to feel that everyone wanted that feeling.
So it was, one morning, just after Katherine had been banned from court along with Lady Maria and Princess Mary, I was breaking my fast and thinking about the progress at the estate that Leo approached. He looked uneasy but smiled in a friendly manner as he took a seat nearby. Then we made pleasantries, speaking about random matters before I finally asked…
“Are you feeling okay Don Leo? You seem… unsettled…”
“I am fine…” he began then stopped looking at me… “No you are right I am unsettled. This whole matter is concerning don’t you think?”
“Which matter?” There was so much going on who knew what anyone else was preoccupied thinking about. He let out a brief sighed laughed.
“All of it I suppose” he muttered… “reforms, one Queen banished another on its way… “
“We are just background to the drama of their lives Don Leo… our stories hardly matter… no one cares what makes sense anymore” I say and just put a piece of fruit in my mouth and chew. “Guess we just sit back and wait to see which of their Gods is deemed the most right…”
“Which is your God Your Grace…”
“The winner of course…” I say honestly and pop another piece of fruit into my mouth. Don Leo snorted and then smirked at my comment and seemed to relax greatly in my presence.
We somehow wandered onto the topic of Westerland. My face must have lit up when I spoke of the changes being wrought there and my influence.
“You seem particularly enthusiastic about the estate” he remarked with a grin… “What does the new Duke have to say about your interest?”
That brought me up short… “There is a new Duke Westerland?”
He returned my confused look then paused… “Well… no… I suppose not. I guess I just assumed. No one has mentioned who the heir is?” Leo asked now
I shook my head, I had no clue when Henry would even get around to addressing the matter. I was in no rush to hear him proclaim someone else would have the Dukedom.
“You should ask him…” Leo suggested suddenly. I scoffed in a very unladylike manner then laughed.
“It is okay Don Leo… I really am not enthusiastic to hear him name a new Duke …”
“Even if it could be you?”
I frowned at his comment. Women could not hold landed titles… but Leo seemed to be intent on assuring me that I could. He suggested that by the King’s will, I could hold the dukedom myself. I felt a blush fuse on my face as he mentioned the favor the King could bestow on me and I wondered, not for the first time… how with all the secret discrete behavior Francis had planned out for us in the prior months, almost everyone seemed to be aware of the whole affair. Leo even encouraged me, boldly, to make an effort to seek consideration before the New Queen was secured in her role.
We all knew it was inevitable, the Lady Anne would be named and crowned Queen as soon as Henry willed it to happen. Rumor was that it would happen sooner rather than later.
We chatted a little longer but eventually I excused myself. I really wanted to go in and join the gamblers, I was bored out of my mind… but there would be too many frowns considering that I remained in morning. I was eager to shed the farce.
As I was making my way out of the hall there were a group of men mingling in the hallway. I looked up and was surprised by the varying looks of them, one of them looked jaw dropping handsome. But they seemed particular preoccupied with their conversation, so I was ambling to slip by them without interruption.
“Duchess Westerland?” One called out halting me. I looked back a bit surprised and curious… “Ohh… sorry to startle you there, I… I just thought that was you.” One of the gentlemen uttered as he strolled forward.
“It is quite alright Sir, I did not recognize any of you so I thought to just leave you all to your affairs” I murmur politely and nod to each man in greeting attempting to be sociable. It was rather inappropriate for them to greet me without proper introduction first but nothing was particularly normal at court these days.
“Of course, again my apologies. I am Lord George Boleyn… I was acquainted with your late husband… Please allow me to offer my condolences…” I continued to maintain my smile even though it certainly lacked luster I was certain. If the man was a friend of my husbands… then he was not the sort of man I intended to befriend. It certainly left me a bit more anxious as well to learn he was related to the future Queen.
“Thank you Lord… you are very kind” I bow my head gracefully.
“I must admit Your Grace, I had a vastly different idea of what to expect upon meeting you, but my sister assured me that you were quite distinctive and contrasting than Westerland let on…”
“Your sister My Lord?” I ask even though I had already made the assumption. I wondered if Lord Boleyn was excited to extol his connection to what I assumed was the future Queen.
“yes, Lady Anne…” and he smiled proudly… or maybe pompously. It could be that he wanted to brag about the connection or perhaps he just loved his sister very much. I smiled in return appearing to be impressed. I was not.
“Oh… Lady Anne is exceptionally charismatic. I am flattered to hear that she has extended information regarding me.” Although I immediately became exceptionally cautious. There were certain things that I would have remain undiscussed between them.
“I can understand why she finds you interesting” He remarks, and I offer another little smile.
“Can you My Lord? We barely just met, I here I am so bereaved and pensive… unable to be even a little bit coy or witty. I cannot fathom how compelled you may feel once I am able to turn on those charms”
One of the gentlemen behind him snorted softly making me dart my eyes to their direction. I was not sure which exactly made the sound but they both were watching me. Each man was younger than Lord Boleyn, one looking more stony… harsher but goodness he was handsome. He did not seem like the ‘snorting’ sort. If I remembered correctly, I was relatively sure that Lady Rose mentioned he was a Habsburg lord. The other… was incredibly too pretty for words, dressed in the highest of fashions and a rakish grin spread across his face. I would bet everything in my coffers that it was he that made the noise, I was pretty confident he was the French King’s brother. When I looked back at Lord Boleyn, he looked curious but I wasn't sure he was amused. I was not certain that he could appreciate a lady’s facetiousness when it was directed at him. I wondered what game he was at though by trying to flatter me without provocation. However, I did not intend to be caught up in whatever intrigue he had dancing around in his mind. Again, I bowed my head, in all of their direction and made an excuse to leave… lying about getting to prayers, which as a grieving widow I assumed they would accept without complaint or suspicion.
I did find it rather rude that Lord Boleyn did not bother to make introductions to the other two gentlemen… maybe one of them would hold more interest for me than he had. However, soon as I found myself alone, my thoughts immediately returned to the conversation I had with Don Leo. About the dukedom. And whether I should actually consider that perhaps… Henry may indeed feel generous enough to declare the title upon me instead of someone else. The idea was thrilling… and I could not seem to drop it as dismissively as I initially thought to.
DECEMBER - REVELATION - COMPLETE
Later that month, I sought out Blanca. Everything had been so unpredictable lately and I admitted that I had been extremely distracted over my concerns for my future that I neglected my friend. When Katherine had been banished, I thought of Blanca… not her, the Queen. I had never found a connection to Katherine that some of the other ladies had. Of course, that certainly had a lot to do with the fact that I was having sinful relations with her husband at the time. But I knew that I was not the cause of the destruction that became their marriage and I would never take responsibility for it.
I found Blanca in the salon. There were a number of people present but she seemed to be alone at the moment. I greeted a few of the courtiers that spoke to me, murmured something about joining the games in another month perhaps and declined an offered drink before managing to make my way to Blanca’s side.
“Walk with me?” I asked softly. I seemed to startle her from her thoughts but she did smile, somewhat sadly, as she rose and I linked arms with her.
“I believe it was you, when I arrived… that breathed life into me… and now you look so forlorn and it is breaking my heart to see you so…” It was a brisk, cold day so I had opted to stroll through the palace instead of venturing outside.
“Yes… there is too much happening at once and such bad tidings” she muttered. I knew she had to be struggling with the fact that her cousin had been sent away and now… the court was being overrun with the French when it was once full of Spaniards. I did not know what would happen to the lot of us. But… I intended to adjust. I could go home to Spain, to my parents… but I didn’t want to. Not anymore. For now at least I had the Duchy… and I did not think that Henry would see cause to toss me out... again, for now. I was an English widow now… not just a Spanish heiress…
“Are you worried about being sent away? Or … do you want to leave with everything going on?”
I honestly did not know what she was thinking. But apparently, neither did she.
“I am not sure” She whispered in a shaky tone. It was so unlike her to be hesitant and uncertain. I always thought of Blanca as being bold and daring and the sort that would take the bull by the horns so to speak.
“Do you like being in England… or were you only ever here for your cousin?” I mean… if she wasn’t in love with England why would she stay? What was she looking for here… did she want to marry? Was she experiencing any sort of relationships? Mostly what I knew about Blanca was that after being widowed she basically managed her life on her own… she was rich, loves her horses, her relationship with her cousin and her concerns over me. “Maybe you will want to find a new husband?”
She did not make a sound of agreement or denial, so I was still left rather unclear about her desire in that topic. But she did discuss how frightened she was about staying in England with the new Queen on her way in. Trying to figure out if she should stay and embrace the new dynamics at the palace or if she should leave after the coronation.
I let her know that I would be staying, for as long as I was welcome. That I enjoyed the entertainment and the dynamics of a lot of the courtiers. I also teased how well I was becoming at cards and that maybe soon enough I would own all of the court’s riches just from my winnings. That did seem to make her chuckle a little and I grinned.
“I think you can handle anything that is thrown your way Blanca… it is why I have always looked up to you.” I admit and she looked a little surprised. I nod softly, “how could you not know? I mean… I know that you do not approve of my choices… and I get that you think I am a child making decisions that I cannot understand even though you are only one year older than me… but I believe in you… whatever decision you make, I hope that you know you will always have me as your ally and friend.”
She seemed sentimental about my comment for a few more minutes then seemed to start to slip out of her melancholy. She admitted she needed to stop fretting and start making some hard decisions and I nodded back at her. It was certainly what I had to do. Life was going to happen. Good things and bad things… there was nothing to be done that could change that. I hugged Blanca before taking my leave of her, happier now that she seemed less low-spirited and distressed.
As I walked away from her, I realized that I would always be a survivor. I had decided that I would not just suffer through life, bemoaning the ups and downs. When something knocked me down, I would get up. I had already been through some things and had some utterly foolish and fanciful ideas about certain people, but nothing that seemed like too much of a hardship or burden. I was not some inconsequential child toying with adult ideas. I had lived and enjoyed what life had presented to me thus far. I gave in to my desires and found that I liked it. I made some mistakes, like recklessly allowing my feelings to cloud my judgement and leaving myself open in error, but that too was part of my growth… part of my development. I had become a woman… smart, resourceful, deliberate, and strong. And I would not turn back now and retreat into that other life that no longer held any promise or thrill or excitement.
I thought once more of Leo’s suggestion, and the more I thought on it the more I realized that I should take that risk. I had been willing to risk so many other things… taking my life in my own hands and finding my way was the lesson I had learned.
It was just then that I noticed Sir Francis up ahead. He appeared to be in deep conversation with another gentleman, Lord Boleyn. He looked as handsome as ever and of course I felt a jolt of awareness seeing him… but… being honest, I knew that the anger I had felt… and our lack of closure over that disagreement had weened my heartfelt emotions that I had begun to experience. Right after our conversation, when I moped about in my room, I had to be honest with myself then and admit that what I had started to feel for him had been one sided. I always knew he had been interested in sex, that had never been in doubt. He was forward and blunt enough about that… and strangely I could tell that the idea of sex with him still sparked interest in me… but… it seemed that I had finally hardened my heart against those other emotions I had foolishly attributed to him. He did not have interest in my heart… and I had stupidly attributed his efforts to hide the affair as a form of protecting me when all it had been was protection for Henry. I almost laughed softly at how really dumb that had been of me. He had even told me he was doing his job. The incidents with Duke Westerland could not be so easily explained away but I was more than happy not to reflect on them and blocked them from any lingering thoughts. How odd that I found my stupidity over him almost comical now. But it was a very good lesson, and I had to admit I was glad to have had it.
Sentimental thoughts were a weakness I could not afford to give in to, love would be the deadliest of them all. Thankfully, Sir Francis had saved me from that particular fate… before I had sunk deeper into the pits of that exhausting emotion. Not that I felt indebted to him. In fact, I was pretty sure I was still angry at him… and perhaps liked him not despite finding him sexually appealing. But I would need my wits and my strength to forge my way and to look out for me going forward. There was no one else I could count on to do that for me. I realized, without a doubt, that I would embrace my personal enjoyments, taking them when I wanted and seeking to gain advances in whatever form I found at my disposal. Until someone, somehow… found a way to curtail me… I would continue to improve my life to my own benefit in whatever ways were available to me. No matter what the costs.
Just then Lord Boleyn looked up and noticed me down the hall, drawing Francis’ attention to me as well. I had no idea how long I stood there staring at them and thinking but having been caught I continued my route which would lead me to where they stood.
“Good day gentlemen, Lord Boleyn, Sir Francis, it is a pleasure to see you both again”
“Your Grace” they greeted in unison and I smiled pleasantly as if this were the brightest highlight of my day. I had learned a great deal about appearances versus truths.
“You look just as lovely as I remember” Lord Boleyn stated and despite the smile on my face his words rang false to me. Not that he did not seem jovial… he did indeed come across as a friendly sort, but I did not trust Lord Boleyn… for whatever reason. His association with my husband… his association with the new Queen… his flirting with a recently widowed woman… the calculating awareness in his eyes. Something about him gave me pause.
“Thank you My Lord” And I would have complimented his looks back but I wasn’t exactly sure if that would have been appropriate. I had never been in mourning before so didn’t know all the rules but I did know that I was supposed to be seem so solemn and remorse and … confined… in public. I had slipped up the first time I met him, but I tried to keep my snappy tongue tucked away behind my teeth this time around.
“It is a shame that you remain in mourning… I have heard the most delightful rumors that you do sinfully well at the cards table” Did the man have any decorum or sense. Or maybe I was overthinking. If I had been able to be myself, I am certain I would have had some saucy outrageous reply at his comments. I almost laughed but bit my cheek to keep from doing so. He sounded bored with the act of mourning… that my present state was just utterly dull… if only he knew how very much I agreed with that! And using such words such as delightful and sinful seemed exceptionally brazen when uttered to a recently widowed woman. I couldn’t help but wonder if he were being genuine or if he were alluding to some of my more… illicit pastime activities. I was not sure I was prepared for him to be aware of those but his words certainly brought them to my own mind.
“As disappointing as it may be, I will continue to endeavor through the remorse over the loss of one’s husband until at least the middle of January… three months seems adequate to complete my duty” I explain… “but perhaps after that I can give you an opportunity to loosen your purse strings and become victim to my prowess at the tables”
To which both men seemed to snort softly. And of course, I felt abashed a bit. I had not meant to sound… flirty or taunting… especially to Lord Boleyn, but my tongue seemed to forget that I was in mourning when it wanted to.
I shook my head and wondered if this sudden cheekiness was a result of the revelation I had just had when I watched them from down the hall or because of how easily my mind shifted into naughty thoughts. It was incredibly inappropriate for me to show even a hint of mirth in public… I tried to stifle a giggle, “My goodness, I think that you gentlemen make me forget myself… I must be on my way before my tongue gets more embedded in scandal than I should hope…” And even that, I knew… had sexual innuendos. I peeped over at Sir Francis and saw that he was looking at me curiously, then back to Lord Boleyn, who was also looking at me curiously.
Wickedly, I stood a bit straighter, giving them both an inkling to the confidence and assertiveness I determined to shroud myself in, and I grinned. A sly, cocky, bold smile that lit up my eyes immodestly. I wasn’t exactly sure how it came across to them, although I had my suspicion when I saw them both take note of it. But then I dipped into a curtsy and slipped past the two of them without the customary goodbyes.
About a week later, I received a rather odd note from Lavina asking me to meet her at the Chapel. I had no idea what this was about but it filled me with a little anxiety. I had been entirely too candid with the woman when I returned feeling happy and excited from Westerland. She had not made an effort to reach out or speak to me since but now... a month later, she was requesting I visit her. In the damned chapel no less. Maybe her God was going to strike me down for the wicked things I said in front of her and him that night. But since I knew what she knew... and I did not know what she meant to do with the knowledge I decided to meet her.
The chapel was again so silent and solemn. Even more so now that Katherine was gone from the palace. Mostly everyone was out celebrating the holiday, drinking, dancing, making merry... but here was Lavina, praying like a dutiful Christian. It made me largely uncomfortable but I strolled closer and sunk into the pew beside her.
I did not seem to startle her this time, she had been expecting me after all but she did not immediately look up towards me. She seemed to be grappling with some thought. I gritted my teeth, bracing myself for a heavenly chastisement but when she did finally look up, she did not look angry or disgusted... she looked nervous.
"Thank you for coming" she murmured in that soft voice of hers.
"A... are you okay?" I ask. Initially I was going to say something to the effect that I didn't have much choice did I... but the words hung in my throat.
She offered a tentative smile "not particularly" she whispered. I didn't know what to do or say... I frowned.
"Should I.. um.. do you need a physician?"
That made her laugh a little bit more but she shook her head "Um no.. no a physician will not help" She cryptically replied. Okayyy... I thought and waited.
"I wanted to let you know that your secret is safe with me" she uttered finally and I hadn't even realized I was holding a breath.. but when she said her words I seemed to exhale. "I... I had a similar experience" she added, so low that I almost didn't hear her. Almost.
"Marriage?"
"Sex" she corrected. And my mind went crazy. I looked at her, looking so serene and peaceful and respectfully devout and I found it hard to believe. But her anxiety, her careful composure... it kind of made sense.
"You... feel regret then?" I say curiously. She prayed constantly.. for what? Absolution? Penance?
"No..." she said calmly "no... I liked it as well" she admits and I couldn't help it... I laughed softly. And so did she. Well... guess he... God... had to deal with two noble ladies with naughty ways.
A couple days later, just before the new year... I was still rather amused by Lavina's Christmas Eve admission, the soft delicate way she confirmed that she was not so unlike me. I was thinking of a lot of things really... how women were so limited to the things they were supposed to admit to, to enjoy, to thrive at... I was good with the Duchy.. it was prospering even if not profiting just yet. It would start too though, and that is solely because of me. Of course it is possible that some other Duke could have come in and started to do things better to try and turn it around... but it hadn't been another Duke.. it had been me.
And I wanted the credit, I wanted the responsibility, I wanted to control.
So with that in mind, I penned another note, making another request of the King to grant me an audience. Things were a bit hectic still but at least he would know that I wished to speak with him and hopefully he would be kind enough to agree and possibly hear me out.
JANUARY - INDULGENCE - COMPLETE
After all of the upheavals and changes wrought as a result of Henry’s split with Katherine, the Royal Church… and most assuredly Spain, we were all informed that would we travel to Calais, France for a summit that would fortify and celebrate England’s new alliance with France. It was obvious that the courtier’s that were loyal to Spain and Katherine continued to find this a great time of confusion and anxiety. Oddly, I did not feel any of the worry that maybe I should have felt. I was excited about the trip, to get away from all of the melancholy and political musings and religious ponderings that seemed to be ever present in Whitehall. Rumors about the opulence and joie de vivre of the French court was renowned, and I had high expectations of the visit.
It turns out I was not to be disappointed. The scale, splendor and pageantry of the event was magnificent to behold, and it seemed that each court went to extreme lengths to try and outshine the other. Each King erected temporary marvelous pavilions were sumptuously decorated. In Henry’s case he created an incredible temporary palace that exhibited a great hall, a spacious chapel and two giant gilt fountains outside. Within the dazzling tents one would find spectacular clothed courtiers partaking of glamorous entertainments and huge bountiful feasts. Like a proper Renaissance celebration, music strummed constantly, there was dancing and mummers, plays to attend. Noblemen and gentlemen alike participated in jousting, archery displays and even wrestling tournaments for days on end. The food was lavish and liberal amounts of claret, hippocras and water spewed steadily through separate runlets of the extravagant spouted fountains.
I could not imagine one single person being despondent here. I certainly was not. The only thing that bothered me was the fact that I was still decked out in my boring, drab, miserable mourning clothes.
After settling in the ‘chamber’ I would have, I decided to immediately venture out. We were scheduled to remain here for about two weeks but I did not want to miss a single moment. I was so very tired of the monotony of my grieving and I was desperate for some entertainment. So much so that I was already contemplating ditching the dismal black and grays before my full 90 days of mourning were complete. I wanted to have some fun!
Yet, I didn’t yet. Dressed as I were, I made my way to the front of Henry’s make-shift but opulent court and selected a goblet to fill with red wine. As I was, a woman to my right giggled softly. Looking over I noticed that she was alone and so found myself arching at brow at the merriment she seemed to be sharing with herself. Suddenly she noticed that I was looking and giggled some more.
“Ohh… sorry, you must think I am daft!” she chuckled
“Um… at the very least you seem to enjoy your own company” I offer with a smirk. The woman seemed quickly excitable because she giggled again and pressed a hand to my arm exclaiming in a chipper tone
“Oh I do! But mostly only when I am considering what fun to have next” she confided freely. I admit her amusement was contagious and I laughed with her.
“I am dying to have some fun” I admit as well and give her an exacerbated look as I slap at my black skirt.
“Ohh… I am sorry I didn’t notice. Pardon my rudeness… I am sorry for your loss… whatever it may have been”
I again chuckled softly and shook my head, “No need… I do not consider you rude at all, in fact you seem perfectly refreshing and lighthearted compared to most encounters I have had of late. I am Colette… part of King Henry’s retinue”
“Mary… it is a pleasure to meet you Colette. I honestly do not know which group to claim to be with” and she giggled again.
“Ahh… so you are familiar with both sides of this gathering… have any hints for a new girl traveling to France for the first time?”
“oohh Oui! I would absolutely love to show you around, introduce you to some people!... oh… well… gosh, are you going to be joining the festivities?” She looked concerned suddenly.
“That’s a good question. I really would like to…” I paused looking around, seeing so many animated and excited gatherers and I felt so envious of their gaiety. “Perhaps I can get away with cutting my mourning short by at least a week…” I was actually wondering to myself, but out loud apparently because Mary seemed excited at the prospect.
“Ohh… and then you can join me? I would adore some company…oh… but maybe I should warn you though” she hesitated and darted her gaze around before leaning in closer to where I stood “The French… their court…. It is… ummm well rather a lot less provincial about some things than the English. So… if you are like, more um… reserved maybe you would like to keep your mourning, you are very pretty… exotic. You may get a lot of attention without your shroud of respect for your loved one”
I looked at her lifting a brow at her admission. The last of her comment almost made me gag. Love had absolutely nothing to do with this look I wore. Of course, she would not know that.
“I… could use some less provincial entertainment” I admit with a bit of a grin forming. I got the feeling that if for nothing else were true, at the very least I would grin a bit while in this woman’s presence. “Perhaps though… I should at least give it one more day before I discontinue my visage of grief”
Mary grinned and nodded, “Tomorrow then? You can start to see how very special Calais can be…”
I grinned back and nodded, feeling excited. We agreed to meet back at the fountains in time to break our fast together.
Knowing that I had decided to end my mourning earlier than expected and that starting tomorrow I would be introduced to the French in a novel and refreshing way I was content to skip the festivities that first night. I couldn’t even imagine what sort of ways Mary enjoyed herself at the courts. She had such an honest, open personality, extremely friendly and carefree… as far as I could tell. I also found myself wondering if she were truly this genuinely conspicuous. She could not have been a very high ranked courtier, they were far more likely to be catty or snobby than this woman appeared to be. After so much despair and anxiety that had plagued the court in the past months, her blithe and sprightly behavior cheered me and fell in line with my need to enjoy a more pleasant and amusing life. I was certainly looking forward to spending more time with her.
The next morning, I shook out a beautiful white gown with red and yellow embroidery, such a sharp contrast to the dull black and grey I had worn in the last months. It made me feel lighter and happier the instant I slipped into it. Sabrina looked a bit concerned over my decision to ignore custom, but I ignored her. I was done with it, this was a place to have fun and I intended to take part not sit on the wayside faking remorse for a man I felt nothing but contempt for.
I was rather surprised as I explored with Mary a few hours later. She seemed acquainted with some very high ranked persons from both sides of the camp. And I was having a wonderful time in her presence. She was witty, friendly, coy and more than a little bit wicked. She teased and grinned with ease to nearly every person we encountered, and it definitely seemed that more than a few of the gentlemen present had fallen for her charm. But it was still almost an hour into our day when I finally understood why she may have been so popular… well other than her pleasant personality.
“Sister…” A voice called from directly behind where we stood, debating where to head to next. Mary had thought a visit to the Jousting tent would be a grand idea, but she spun around with a wide grin on her face and I followed her gaze and was utterly shocked.
“George!” she squealed and embraced him as if it had been so very long since she had seen him. Lord Boleyn… he had called her sister. He stood there with the French King’s brother again and another gentleman… whom I had seen him around the English court for a long time but had never become acquainted with him. “It is so good to see you!”
“And you Mary… you look happy…” She grinned up at him but then his gaze twisted and appraised me… “And I almost did not recognize you without your dour attire, seems as if you have forgone your vigil?”
I nod, still trying to adjust to the knowledge that the sweet happy woman I met was related to Lady Anne and him. “I decided that my husband is likely well placed wherever he ended up and that my consideration would likely not assist him further in any way.” Then I looked around before smiling to the small group around me… “Besides… what person in their right mind would want to miss out on such a grand affair?”
“You are so right!” Mary insisted, seeming quite enthusiastic about the prospects that could be had. This time, perhaps because his sister Mary was present, he made introductions of the two gentlemen with him…
“Duchess Colette Sutton and Lady Mary Boleyn may I present Lord Louis Charles de France, Duke of Orleans and Lord Maximillian von In der Maur auf Strelburg und zu Freifeld, Burgomeister of Berneck and Freiherr von In der Maur…”
Mary’s eyes widened as she glanced at me and hissed in a not too subtle tone “you didn’t tell me you were a Duchess…”
I chuckled softly, “It did not seem to be so very important at the time that we met, I was more enchanted by the splendor and magic of this place than to focus on silly titles…”
“France is a wonderous place where your wildest dreams can come true chere…” The Duke of Orleans proclaimed.
“You do not even know what my wildest dreams may be Monsieur… They could be very dark and dangerous”
“Oui?… even better for us then” He teased with what looked to be a dangerous glint in his eyes. Chills trailed down my back but I was not certain if it was anticipation or flat out fear. Luckily, I was saved from having to respond
“I am just dying to know how the two of you became acquainted…” Lord George queried…
“There was no grand scheme brother! We met and meshed well in that moment… we are seeing about becoming fast friends…”
“That is true Lady Mary… your sister is most kind and extremely generous to show me around and make me feel most welcomed”
“Well I am glad of that, I had gotten to thinking that perhaps you feared getting to know us Boleyn’s better…” Again, I was struck wondering if Lord George were up to some scheme that I knew nothing about. His flirts had always seemed so direct… or even calculating. But I had to be wrong about that. It made no sense.
“Well My Lord, I have decided that fear is just one of those things that we must all stand and face… or else we will fail to be better than we once were…” He seemed to study me but I had no idea what was rambling through his mind…
“What an interesting concept… a woman without fear…”
I turned my head and giggled softly. “I never ever said I had no fears Lord Maximillian… simply that I must not cower to them”
“Cousin Francis!” Mary chimed in happily and I was drawn back around to see that Sir Francis had strolled up to the group, greeting first George then smiling warmly at Mary. Cousin… I never knew he was related to the new Queen. Why did that fill me with a bit of apprehension? He looked in my direction and it seemed as if he were in a lighter mood than he had been over the past few weeks back at Whitehall.
“Lady Mary, you look beautiful as ever, it seems that the French court agrees with you…”
“It is wonderful Oui!” she giggles “This is my newest dearest friend Duchess Sutton” She introduced me. My stomach was coiled in a knot seeing him there but I giggled softly at her.
“It is quite alright Lady Mary, I am familiar with your… cousin. Although I had no idea of the association. Good day Sir Francis, it also seems that this French air agrees with you” I say continuing to look at him closely and knowing that he was in fact far less intense than he had been.
“Indeed… there is something about being around the French that makes a man feel rejuvenated and extravagant… such a sumptuous array of delights to sample from here, the grounds are simply fertile with amusements”
Lady Mary giggled, each of the gentlemen smirked and agreed, I felt my body warm inch by inch. I darted my eyes around then looked at the men standing before me and could literally feel their energy pulsing. I was not mistaken, they all felt what I must have felt arriving here. I had not known it at the time but something in this minute led me to the realization. The reason I had been so quick to set aside my mourning, the reason I had been eager to join in the revelry… it was surging through the very air around us. There were no duties or responsibilities to be commanded by, we were free to come and go as we pleased. Everything was about abundance here, even more so than it had been at court. More wine, more freedom, more entertainments… more amusements as Francis had said. There were games to be played, and I was not just thinking about the tourneys or sports.
“I dare say it has been quite a long time since I have had the amusements I crave… so I am definitely looking forward to correcting that lapse” and then I dared to glance at Francis knowing that he out of everyone around me might know my mind but I did not linger longer than others might expect. “Seems I have the ideal place to celebrate the day of my birth this year” and I giggled softly.
“Ah… is your birthday approaching quite soon then?” Lord Maximillian questioned before any of the others had the opportunity.
“Yes, I will see my 19th year in just two days time” I answer with a smile
“Then we really must celebrate!” Mary chimed in happily and it seemed that her good humor made all the men around us smile as well. I could understand why so many gentlemen had looked at her longingly while we moved about that morning and even now. She was just infectious in such a sweet innocent way. But I got the feeling that she was quite skilled at her bubbly personality and it made me feel even more endeared towards her. I had no idea why I felt so instinctively drawn to her. And she began happily chatting about things she just had to show me. So, we made our goodbyes to the men around us, each giving their own appreciative look or comment before we flinted away. But all I could really think about was just what sort of diversions awaited me during my time at Calais…
Lady Mary and I ran into Lady Blanca later that day and spent some time together. Blanca was in a much better mood than she had been prior to arriving at Calais and she even seemed open to chatting with Mary freely even after learning she was the future Queen’s sister. However, I would notice as the days progressed that Blanca seemed much more comfortable around other ladies. They seemed to have much better friendships than she and I, and I began to stop imposing myself on her. Most of the time it felt like my life was some what of a burden to Blanca as she always seemed to be worrying and fretting over things instead of just letting us enjoy each other’s company. I would always be a friend to her, and should she ever need me for anything I would not hesitate to stand for her. I just was accepting that our connection was simply not as strong as the ones she had developed with the others. I was happy that she had people she could lean into more and feel less stressed about.
Oddly enough I barely ate anything that second day of our arrival, wandering about with Lady Mary, meeting people, chatting, drinking plenty… but I really did not stop to eat. I may have nibbled on a pastry or a piece of bread or two but for the most part I was just to excited to eat. And it was likely that reason that I felt quite shamefully drunk by the end of the day.
Mary was off with one of her flirts… and I had learned that she had many, so I was left to my own devices. I had yet another goblet of the sweet wine in one hand and felt a steady pulse running along the bridge of my nose. I was not aware that I stood there grinning like some silly addle-brained nymph.
“If only I could see the thoughts that were producing that grin” A chuckle sounded to my left and I when I turned it took a few seconds for me to actually distinguish who it was that was speaking.
“Sir John…” I utter more of a question than a statement, but I also had to wonder if I knew him well enough to call him Sir John… I mean… I couldn’t remember ever having been introduced to him, but I did know who he was… he had been at court far longer than I… so surely that was enough reason to call him by his name, right?
“Your Grace” he smirked and I noticed he too was partaking of some beverage. “You seem as if you have something interesting on your mind…”
“Do I?” I ask then frown a little before giggling… “I honestly do not remember what I was thinking about!" My eyes had widened on the realization and I continued to find my forgetfulness quite delightful. He was grinning down at me, maybe amused by my giddiness as well. Then a random idea burst from my lips... "Perhaps you should ask me some questions and it will jog my memory…”
He seemed to take interest in that… “Okay… hmmm… was it a person or a thing that was on your mind?”
I hummed softly and really tried to think but my brain was completely empty. “I… umm… let’s say it was a person for now” I giggle because I seriously had no idea.
“Okay, a person… male or female?” I think my cheeks were beginning to ache by how hard I was grinning. I shrugged my shoulders.
“Pick one…” I suggested unable to decide which to select
“Male then…” he winked, and I shook my head still grinning hard. “was it a naughty or nice thought?”
“I am going to go with naughty”
“Oh… your Grace I do not believe you were supposed to admit that!” He teased.
“Ohhh!... um okay nice then?”
“Nope it is far to late to take it back now… a naughty thought it was” He was making me grin entirely too hard.
“Very well… you got me, a naughty thought” He nodded approval
“And was it a dirty naughty thought or a spiteful naughty thought” I pretended to give that some deep thought
“Most definitely a dirty naughty thought”
“what a wicked woman” he taunted with as big a grin as I had, he stepped closer. “Now shut your eyes and tell me… is he tall or short?”
I chuckled peeping at him before standing straighter and shutting my eyes as I began to let a form take shape in my mind… picturing who I may have allowed myself to think of in this situation that he was painting for me. Needless to say, my mind immediately fixated on a figure that did not at all seem unfamiliar to my intoxicated brain “Tall for sure…”
“Athletic or stocky?”
“Athletic…” I nod
“Warrior or politician?” I paused and frowned a little at that trying to imagine which to assign.
“I do not know… warrior maybe…”
“Red hair or red hair?” Jet black hair I thought but immediately I burst out laughing and opened my eyes staring at the mop of red hair set atop his own head.
“You have red hair Sir John…”
“Do I?” His eyes widened in shock as if he had not considered it at all.
“Are you suggesting that I might have had dirty naughty wicked thoughts about you Sir John?”
“Wicked now too is it?” He seemed delighted by that… “I am certain that it is your naughty mind doing all the thinking, how could I ever engage to stop it with its wanton wistful imaginings!”
I couldn’t seem to restrain the grin that continued to plague my face… “I had no idea you were so skilled an interrogator Sir John”
Suddenly he leaned a bit closer and uttered softly “I imagine I have quite a few skills that you did not know about Duchess” and I had to admit, my interest was sparked.
“Well maybe I will have some naughty thoughts of a tall, athletic red head warrior as I lay in bed tonight” I tease
“You don’t have to be alone with those thoughts you know” which made me laugh at his boldness. But I started to step away, still grinning madly as I looked back at him over my shoulder and winked wickedly…
“Perhaps I won’t be” then I strolled away but I definitely heard him grunt amusingly behind me.
I drifted through the crowd, having a grand time. Found some random Frenchman to dance with me, then some random Englishman… then a Spaniard. Francis had been right… the field of amusements was plentiful. Just then I noticed him across the room, flirting obviously with a blond-haired woman who seemed completely enthralled by his attention. The man was a seducer for sure. At his age he likely had a lot of experience at it. And it struck me suddenly how he seemed to be one of the few older gentlemen chasing after skirts while most of the other blatantly randy men were much younger… around my age or slightly a bit older. I assumed the older leches were more discreet with the dalliances than Francis was.
Suddenly my vision was blocked by a broad breadth of back that stopped directly in front of me. Tilting my head I looked up at the back of a curly brown haired man who seemed to be intent upon gazing at the crowd ahead, was he searching for someone specific I wondered.
“Are people made of glass where you are from Lord Maximilian?” I uttered loud enough that he was sure to hear my query over the music and merriment. He turned around frowning, looking incredibly puzzled by my question.
“People made of glass?”
“You quite fully blocked my gaze with your rather large body and I wondered if in your country people were more transparent so that it did not matter whom you stood in front of…”
“Ooh… my apologies Duchess… I honestly did not check to see who may be behind… I was focused ahead.”
“Well I cannot fault you for that… life is not meant to be spent looking backwards” Again he looked confused. I shook my head and giggled… “Just agreeing that looking backwards is rather pointless” he finally smirked a little as he stepped more to my side but a bit closer then looked back towards the crowd
“And what exactly had you so preoccupied that you were disappointed with the view of me instead?” I chuckled softly peeping over at him.
“There isn’t really anything disappointing about the look of you Lord Maximilian”
“Well no… that was not at all what I said.” He snorted softly “gazing at me should be the highlight of your day”
“That is rather pompous My Lord… you are rather lucky that you have the looks to support such an arrogant claim”
“Yes… the suffering of beauty. What is one to do about it though… I must endure…”
I had no idea some of these men at court were so entertaining. I laughed.
“Must be difficult being you My Lord…”
“Indeed. Can you imagine having to experience constant attention and having people throw themselves at you simply because you look so divine…” When he looked at me there was definitely a heavy dose of mischief in his eyes… “… well yes… I suppose you can imagine it quite well” What a smooth-tongued devil. I continued to grin.
“I am a recently widowed woman, I assure you, no one has been throwing themselves at me, least of all over my looks”
“You didn’t strike me as being the extremely modest type…” That peaked my curiosity quite a bit.
“I didn’t know I struck you at all Lord Maximilian, today is the first day you have even spoken to me at all and you have been at court for quite some time”
“You always used to seem rather preoccupied… and I admit, I rather like when a lady looks at me and not through me” My mouth dropped open and I laughed softly…
“Are you accusing me of ignoring you Lord Maximilian?”
“Max…” he suggested then smirked and added “and oh yes, absolutely I make that claim” He nodded emphatically looking away for a moment
“Why ever would I do that…?!” I looked shocked and in mock offense.
“Because you simply were not looking at anyone else” he announced quite matter-of-factly, again he looked out at the crowd and I was having a little bit of a difficult time trying to comprehend the innuendo of his words. Wine tasted wonderful but it sure did create some dysfunctional thinking.
"I have seen you at court before" I murmur with certainty and a slight tilt of my head. He continued to gaze forward and I found myself frowning a little.
"I imagine in passing perhaps. But... I know when a woman sees me versus when she notices me. You however, did not notice anyone else, for a while at least..." He was implying that I was fixated on someone before then? Confusingly I looked out into the crowd and my eyes spotted Francis and I think that I blushed. Could he be alluding to my infatuation over Francis? I honestly did not think it had been so very obvious. But I turned my gaze back to Max and he was gazing at me now, steadily, and I could feel a pulse race down my spine at the way his eyes darkened a bit.
“but you are looking now…”
“Yes…” I utter softly, my eyes steadily on him “I suppose that I am”
A few moments of silence passed before he said “walk with me…” I didn’t utter a word, but I stepped beside him and let him lead me away from the bustling crowd. We continued in silence for several minutes as the noise behind us lessened more and more. “Are you nervous?”
I smirked into the darkness, there were only a few candles flickering outside from sentry stations… “No… why should I be?”
“I’m leading you away from everyone… you are all alone with me… you could come to harm…”
Again I smirked then tilted my head to the side to look up at him. “Did you bring me out here to hurt me?”
“No, I do not want to hurt you” he murmured with a grin “But I do intend to have my way with you”
“You do… or you hope to…?” I challenge but instead of answering immediately, he ushered me into a nearby dimly lit tent. And instead of pouncing on me as I had expected, he stalked me. Slowly circling me as I stood in the middle of the space and seemed to be assessing me.
“Yes…” he hissed as he came to stand directly behind me and uttered the words into my ear… “I am certain that I will”
“You are arrogant” I whispered
“Yes…”
“Smug!”
“Ummhmm” he agreed again, I could feel his body heat behind me but he had yet to touch me in any way.
“How do you know I did not manipulate you to bring me out here so that I could have my way with you.” The deep chuckle he made caused the heat between my legs to pulse madly.
“That works for me as well…” and he slipped around to come stand before me, lifting out his hands as if he were now throwing down the challenge. "Do as you may..." He taunted... and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he suspected I was not that daring, that he assumed that I would give in to his pressure and seduction, not the other way around.
So I stepped forward and began to undo his doublet. His eyes widened as he looked down at me “What are you doing?” He hissed
Without hesitation, I replied… “Taking what I want” and was rewarded by his growl. He reached out to grab me, but I told him no in a firm tone… which made him frown. “You said I could do what I want…” I reminded him “… you don’t touch until I say so…” I whispered and again was rewarded by a grunt but he seemed to take a deep breath while he watched me. And I could tell his hands were itching to take hold of me but he was standing firm, I think curious to see just how far I would go.
And his patience, or really struggling impatience, was rewarded… eventually. I took my sweet time doling out his reward though. Touching and kissing where I wanted as I striped him, getting him to sit and watch as I slowly undressed without allowing him to touch me once. And even when I came forward and sat on his lap, facing him, rubbing him… still I did not give him approval to touch me. And the excitement that pulsed through him made me feel powerful… potent. My already intoxicated brain got even more inebriated from the thrill of domination that I tentatively held over him. But when I finally hissed against his ear that he may touch me, the slender grip of control that he used to hold himself back tore apart. Confidently, wildly he took back all the control, shoving me down and showing me just how turbulent his need had become.
And I had to admit, the next morning… when I woke, feeling sore in places I could not believe and my head pounded like nothing I had imagined before… that Lord Maximilian knew exactly what to do to make sure a girl never looked through him again.
JANUARY - IMPLORATION - COMPLETE
Two days later, on my birthday, Mary had come and drug me out of bed so early I wanted to yell at her. But again, her bubbling excitement was a bit too irresistible, regardless of how desperately I wanted to languish in bed after another long night of partying but far less drinking. The soreness and headache had passed late yesterday, and I only lightly regretted going to bed alone last night. Lord Max definitely showed some interest in having another go around and laid a rather smoldering gaze on me that made my entire body quiver in response, but we only flirted and teased each other before I lewdly pointed out other entertainment that I could imagine him enjoying. To be completely honest, I think the wicked comments I made about other ladies’ attributes made Max a tiny bit more curious about me. The fact that I learned that little trick as a result of Francis teasing me after the Lady Rose incident made me blush a bit.
Mary was happily going on about some handsome gent she spent the evening with and I couldn’t help but giggle. She was literally the only other woman I had come across at court… well in life really… that seemed as unashamed over her lustfulness as I. I mean… I knew there were other women, women like Lady Rose… who were plenty lustful… but they hid it… they played the righteous, proper lady in almost every other situation except behind closed doors. I had never even seen Lady Rose flirt with a man in public. Just that begging she had done to Francis when she thought she was alone. Mary was more honest about her desires than even I was. And oddly I admired her spirit and candor. And I knew… if the wrong people knew that information, that I would be branded badly. So… I was much more cautious than Mary… but far less so than Lady Rose.
At any rate, after I dressed she wanted to visit the tourney grounds… we watched some jousting and some archery contests. I got the distinct feeling that Mary was particularly interested in one of the contestants in those games. But… I wasn’t sure she should be as bold with her attention just then. I could be wrong… I wasn’t actually all that involved in court matters, but I was fairly certain that as a future Queen’s sister casting her eye at a simple soldier would likely not be the smartest thing to do. But then a French lord approached and seemed very intent on having Mary’s attention. Which actually relieved me a little. The woman was just enjoying herself, nothing to be concerned over.
I was just passing by the fountains, contemplating having some of the sweet wine, it was my birthday after all, when I was suddenly informed that the request I made had been granted.
“If you follow me, the King will see you now” I frowned a little, feeling confused as I looked at one of the King’s men who moved to lead me to the King’s pavilion.
Upon arrival it was obvious that Henry had been meeting with several of his courtier’s that day and he seemed to be extremely amiable and cheery. He grinned broadly when I was brought forward.
“Duchess Westerland, out of mourning already… gosh I had not realized how quickly time has flown by”
“Yes Your Majesty… It has been a while but you look remarkably less intense than the last time I saw you” I chuckle softly and so did he.
“Yes everything is lining up quite properly now. I received word that you wished to speak with me…” I paused a moment, glancing around at the crowd and then back to him.
“Um… yes… I supposed I imagined you would take audiences once you returned to Whitehall” He chuckled and nodded but ushered me a bit out of earshot of all of the courtiers to where only his closest advisors stood. I was still a bit uncomfortable because I had no idea what these men would make of the request I would implore of King Henry. They did seem to be busily working on whatever tasks he had them on, but I did not doubt for a moment that at least a couple of them were listening. I was no fool… I knew that at the very least Sir Francis and Lord Boleyn had noted my entrance and my meeting with Henry.
“I have time now, and you have been waiting… almost two weeks now I believe?” It had been about that long since I made the request. But at the time things were still pretty chaotic, he had just banned Katherine and ousted the Roman church… I had not expected a quick meeting and had made that clear in my request, but still… Calais seemed more of a party than a place to conduct land issues. But then again, wasn’t the whole purpose of this entire event to make a peace treaty with France. So it wasn’t just a party.
“Thank you for taking my request into consideration and letting me speak with you” I began and again he nodded looking curious. “It is about Westerland Your Majesty. I… I wondered if you had given any thought about what you planned to do with it?”
He looked a little surprised by the question. “Um… to be honest I had not given it much thought. I should though” he nodded suddenly looking as if it may be a pressing matter. “There isn’t an heir I believe” he murmured
“That is what I have heard Your Majesty… As far as I am aware no one has come to inquiry at the duchy either. I have been in correspondence with the staff since I visited in November.”
“You have?” Again, he looked surprised.
“Yes… I should have the outstanding taxes that my husband let fall into neglect to the King’s coffers within the next couple weeks… I think… and it seems that most of the repairs that needed to be done to some of the tenant farms that I have commissioned have been for the most part completed. As long as everything keeps going as it has in the past couple months, we should be recording a tiny profit by the end of Spring. There are other things that I would suggest be done with the property… that I would discuss with you at your leisure of course”
Honestly, I thought the King looked a little impressed.
“Sit…” he instructed as he took a seat at a long dark wood table that was covered in papers. Quickly I selected a chair nearby before he continued “Westerland has been running on credit for a while… how could you turn it around so quickly?”
“I…” I blushed because what I would have to tell him may very well upset him to know… but it was not my doing so I spoke frankly. “The truth is King Henry… the recently deceased Duke gave false recording of the amount of money that he was given upon my dowry. It appears he was using the funds to keep up his lavish lifestyle while paying shrillings into his debts. He was neglecting the tenants and not enforcing production so there really wasn’t any income there but… he was paid handsomely for me” I blushed a bit. “I figured out what I would need to get most of the tenants back to full operation and used the rest of my money to bring the duchy current on as much of the debt as possible. The tenants are already starting to return on the investment so that is why I expect that I should catch up on the debt shortly. And as long as they continue to produce as they have in the past couple months we should be doing much better by Spring…”
I was a bit breathless after my little explanation and I looked around nervously. It wasn’t just Henry that was watching me now. I caught Francis’ stare for a moment, held it… then turned back to focus on Henry. I had no idea what that look meant.
“You did all of this through correspondence?” He inquired
“I… well… except for the two weeks I spent at Westerland in November. I met with the staff while I was there… fired a few, reorganized and redistributed roles. The previous Duke… and well... to be honest… his father as well, were not very good managers. They um… seemed more interested in squandering what they had. Some people had absolutely no idea what they were supposed to be doing in their duties to the Duchy. I… would request the ability to go visit the tenants soon, give them some reassurances and find out what they need to improve their performances. But… I have been waiting to speak with you in general about it all honestly”
“You have been waiting to ask me if you can go visit the tenants?” He looked confused.
I licked my lips and shook my head, my fingers were wringing together on my lap. My goodness it had been months since I had done that.
“No… not really Your Majesty. I… wanted to discuss the transition of Westerland” He lifted a brow like I was speaking jibberish. “To me…” I added which finally seemed to connect everything for him. His eyes widened and he sat back as he looked at me. And I was not mistaken, there was an audible gasp from at least one of the gentlemen who served the king. I did not look around to try and determine who it was.
“I can do this King Henry” I utter softly watching him stroke his chin as he seemed to think on the matter. “I can make Westerland profitable for England again… you know I am a risk taker… that I will do whatever it takes to be successful”
And then suddenly he laughed, “yes… I believe that you will” another louder gasp was heard behind me as Henry rose to his feet and grasped my hand while nodding his head. “I will set it up… but you will be married again Your Grace… and the duchy will only pass through your male heirs… do not come wandering back to me expecting your daughters to inherit!” he playfully chastised me. But I didn’t care about any of that. Hearing the words… that he would grant me the title and lands…. my heart soared and I felt tears well up in my eyes as I clutched his hand and began to smile.
“Thank you Your Majesty!” I choked out.
“I will set everything to rights once we return to Whitehall later this month”
I nodded happily, grinning like a fool. “This is definitely a birthday I will never forget” I laughed out loud. Several people across the room looked over at the sound and I could only imagine I looked ridiculously elated.
“Is it your birthday?” Henry asked shocked and at my nod he grinned and uttered “Well Happy Birthday too”
I had no idea how I got out of the room, I felt like I was floating on air. I could not believe what had just happened… well… what had been promised. But it would happen.
I immediately found myself a goblet and began my own secret celebration!
JANUARY - GLUTTONY - COMPLETE
I had been drinking since just around luncheon time, right after my meeting with Henry. And although I did stop and eat a couple times, I still felt a little tipsy later that night. But I didn’t care, it was my birthday and I was a Duchess. Or I would be rather, soon enough. A real Duchess… not a Duke’s wife. I giggled softly to myself. I had just stepped out of the main pavilion, fanning myself after dancing probably my 10th dance of the night. My feet were aching a bit but nothing could seem to stop me from moving and flirting and playing… I was in the rarest of moods, nothing at all would get me down.
It was just then that I literally stumbled into Francis. He seemed to be exiting a nearby tent, rather quickly and I had been strolling along minding my own little business when he darted out. Sadly, the contents of my goblet splashed and discarded all over the arm of his doublet.
“Ooops” I murmured looking at the spill spread quickly and hearing him curse softly. Then I saw the look in his eyes and I almost laughed.
“Oh come on… you are not going to try and blame that on me”
“Well of course it is your fault, it is your drink spilled all over me”
And I did laugh, especially at the scowl on his face, “Only because you came running out of there as if the hounds of hell were on your ass” I muttered then I stretched up on my tip toes and tried to peak around him… “Is hell finally coming to get you then?” I whisper in faux enlightenment
And that seemed to make him laugh. “Eventually maybe… but not tonight”
I smirk but continue to peep past him towards the tent… “Is there another Lady Rose hidden in that darkness?” I whisper curiously
And he started smirking as well “Why? … Are you out here sulking about hoping to watch again?”
“Well…” I laugh softly, “That certainly was not my intent… but if I had happened upon you in that situation, I most certainly would have watched…” Then I peeped up at him, “I seem to recall you quite enjoyed showing off in front of me last time… even suggested I might join in the next time”
“And you were terrified!” he taunted
“I was embarrassed…” I admitted
“Embarrassed… why?”
“Because… before you suggested it, I hadn’t even known it was a thing that people do… and after you said it… well… I couldn’t stop thinking about it”
“And do you still think about it?”
“Sometimes” I answered honestly then giggle softly, “But not nearly as much as I used to…”
“Oh… why not?”
“Because you do not tease me about it anymore… so it’s not constantly on my mind”
“That’s because you are a troublemaker” He told me.
Which made me giggle… “Am I? I will take it…”
“Take it… you want to be a troublemaker?”
“I want to be unordinary” I hissed looking up at the night sky… “I want to live in a way that others only dream of… shit happens Francis… life happens. It’s not always nice and tidy and wrapped in a bow. Look how crazy things have been here in just the last month alone.” I looked at him, my eyes glowing “I have figured out that I am greedy, and selfish, and determined… and I want what I want…”
He smirks looking at me after my little speech. “Are you? You don’t always get to have what you want Colette…”
“Why?” I giggle and spread my arms around to dance around in the moonlight in front of him. “Why can’t I have what I want Francis?”
“Because life doesn’t work that way…”
“But it can Francis… you know… there are tons of people available for sex. Even I know that. I can walk right into one of these tents, grab a man by the hand, lead him out and have him if I want” I purr, my eyes glinting as I looked at him. “When I tell you that I want you… that I want you to drive hard and deep inside of me… that I need you to make my mind numb by the way you use me…do you consider denying me… us… that?”
I saw his jaw clench… and I did not know if that was him wanting to say yes he would deny me or him not wanting to admit that he would not consider denying it… either way he did not answer.
“but how long before the boredom sets in? Do you have any women that you sleep with that you have slept with for years? And once you are bored, you just go pluck another one… and another… and perhaps one or two will surprise you, make you feel they are special. But for how long? I eventually want to find someone that is not so interchangeable. I want more than just a man with a pole between his legs. You might be content with random women all the time, I mean you are older and probably set in your ways so maybe that is why you are so content to not have anything out of the ordinary happen for you… you simply know that there is no more out there for you than that... You want what you want right…” I took a short pause and looked around. It was still dark… still quiet. My head was spinning a little bit but I was happy
“You told me once… no regrets… I have none. Will never have any. And eventually… there will be a man who isn’t afraid of the passionate, witty, smart, crazy, dangerous, risky woman that I am. And I get it, that is not you… You want what you want… and I want what I want… and for now those wants are aligned… I think. No strings attached, no emotions, no demands… I am not here looking to force you to be a man you cannot be… and I have a lot that I will be needing to focus my energy on… the Duchy will need more attention than anyone knows, and I intend to make it thrive. So… you decide Francis. I feel like there is quite a lot that you can expose me to… stuff that I can not even fathom being possible all on my own. And I want to know… it makes my pulse race wanting to know. But… I wont be mad if you don’t want to teach me the wicked secrets you know. You will always have your random women and I can make use of random men, until I am ready to find that other thing that I know is out there for me… the thing that I want. Because I do believe that I can have my cake and eat it too… “
And with that I turned to leave, dropping the decision on whether we explore sex together or not in his lap. I want what I wanted.. but that did not mean that it had to be Sir Francis Bryan that would give it to me. Maybe he simply was not as selfish and as greedy as I was.
I was also pretty loaded with wine and had no idea if my ramblings even made any sense to Francis. I knew what I meant... what I was thinking... what I was feeling. Whether he understand was another question all together.
JANUARY - CONFIRMATION - COMPLETE
I felt… sated. Really there wasn’t a whole lot I could say that would sum up my emotions quite so effortlessly. I stretched in bed and grinned wickedly feeling the covers brush over my nude body underneath, then giggled softly, remembering what would happen today. It was early, but when Sabrina finally appeared in my chambers, I was already up making use of the wash basin, too excited to sleep. Today was the realization of one of my biggest accomplishments in life. I was living the life I wanted, on my terms... for now.
I dressed in one of my fanciest gowns, rich red velvet with delicate white lace and deep gold embroidery decorating sleeves, hem and bodice. I was excited to have color back in my life and it made me giggle as I brushed my fingers over the vibrant gown. I knew there would be little fanfare over the dedication, nothing was to distract from the upcoming nuptials, but for me… this was the day to celebrate. And I would do so privately afterwards, and in good measure. I thought back to the first night I had met the King… at that masque, the celebration for his son. I imagined that I felt that way now… as if I were about to get my fondest dream come true. And despite the naysayers and the concerns and the disparaging looks I had received to this point, I had Henry to thank for my greatest joy.
And so it was, at 10am on that cold 20th day of January, while most people in the palace were just starting to break their fast that I was ushered into the King’s Great Chamber and brought to kneel at His Majesty’s feet. Many of his Privy Council were present, including Sir Francis, Lord Boleyn, Don Leo, Lord Maximillian, Lord Philippe, Lord Mathias, and Sir John.
Henry was dressed regally, in gold and purple fabrics, and I was surprised but thankful that he was giving this announcement this much attention. He could have easily made written a document and had it entered, I suppose… although, since I had never been privy to any other entitlement ceremony, I was not sure how these things were normally done.
My heart was pounding violently as I bowed my head and listened to the words being read aloud… all pomp and circumstance being witnessed by the small group of trusted gentlemen
As a course of matter, I, Henry the Eighth, by the Grace of God, King of England and France, Defender of the Faith and Lord of Ireland do solemnly and unequivocally award all the Duke of Westerland titles and honours by letters patent to Duchess Colette Issabell Sutton. Hereby known as 4th Duke of Westerland, Viscount Kirkton. All rights, titles and estate shall continue, remain and be invested upon the heirs male of her body, to be held by them severally and successively in a manner upon every elder and the descendants of every elder male issue for so long as such male issue shall continue to exist.
And in that moment, I became a Peeress in my own right, not dependent on a man for my name or my status or my lands and money. At least, not for the time being.
In the early morning on January 25th King Henry VIII formally wedded Anne Boleyn, now Queen of England. King Henry went to all efforts to make the day majestic and sublime for his new Queen. Lavish banquets of food, music dancing, opulence all around. It was impressive to behold and I was no exception to the list of people that wished the couple well wishes and good tidings.
OUTFITS
CALAIS (3rd month of mourning) WEDDING
ROUND 4 COMPLETE
Last edited by BambiFoxx (24/01/2020 at 09:43)
someone spoil it for me, please 
