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STORY - COMPLETE
JANUARY - AND SO IT BEGINS - COMPLETE
“I didn’t know you were serious!” The voice squealed through the cell phone I held to my ear making me wince a little.
“Why not?” I replied shaking my head in very obvious confusion. I had been pretty blunt about my intentions. Standing just outside the small room that was destined to be my ‘wedding chapel’ I frowned and clutched my phone a little tighter. “We talked about it quite a bit mom”
“I just thought you were pranking me… why would I ever think my intelligent, beautiful, independent daughter would do something so insane as to marry a complete stranger?” And I couldn’t help it, I laughed softly. Because although her tone was clearly indignant, I could tell that as she spoke she came to terms with the fact that doing something so insane sounded exactly like something I might do. “You are insane!” she reiterated.
“I love you too mom!” I giggle softly as I heard her exhale a harsh breath.
“Your father is going to lose his mind!” She cautioned me. She was probably right… but by the time he found out it would be too late. Clearly mom hadn’t mentioned my intentions to him… likely as I found out now, because she simply did not believe that I would actually go through with this.
“I am sure you can convince him to go easy on me” I tease suddenly and I knew she could because she had always been able to wrap him around her little finger. Their marriage wasn’t exactly ordinary, considering who my father was… and he wasn’t exactly a push over… I am positive no one from the outside looking in would assume so… but he genuinely loved my mother and would literally do anything to see her happy. That is what I dreamed of in a match… the man I would spend my life with. Someone that would understand me, be patient with me and challenge me when needs be. Someone I could count on to be my partner and my confidant and my support and my…
“You know as well as I do that your well being blinds him to rational thought at times…” her words interrupted my thoughts. And I knew those words to be true as well… he was extremely overprotective over his only child… his babygirl… which is precisely why I did not tell him about this adventure… exactly why… when I understood that mom didn’t fully grasp the seriousness of my decision I had let her think it was all a farce. And why I had waited until right this minute… when I was about to do the deed… to make her understand how real it actually was.
“I love you mom” I repeated again, my heart racing as someone exited the room and began walking towards me. I didn’t even have a clue who I would be marrying… only that the agency felt certain that they had found someone ideal for me. “I have to go… hopefully you will love your new son-in-law… whoever he may be…” I tease softly knowing it would make her fret a little more. But the silence was unnerving. “Trust me mom… you have raised a whip-smart young lady… if this man is not good enough for me you know I will make it known…”
There was a sudden release of breath, her acceptance? Her trust maybe… “Be careful Delia…” was her plea and I smiled softly as the slender woman that had just exited the room motioned towards me.
“Always mom…” She uttered an ‘I love you’ before I disconnected the call and stepped forward. Again, my adrenaline was racing through the roof. I knew it was a mixture of anxiety and unpredictability that was charging me… the thrilling uncertainty of this risky venture that was raging through my blood… shamefully I was more enthusiastic than I should have been if I were a more rational and logical person. Jumping in headfirst… as always… I grinned, the fringe dangling from the hem of the short dress I wore brushing against my slender thighs as I moved towards my future. A ‘normal’ person would have been more hesitant… more agitated… I think. Then I chuckled shaking my head… a ‘normal’ person would not do anything so deranged. There was a reason that arranged marriages were no longer a modern-day ritual. What if he were ugly… that shallow part of my brain piped up, but I shoved the thought aside and was determined to try and not judge the person that had been picked by looks alone. There was a reason I had been unsuccessful at finding true love… maybe that shallow part of me was the problem.
Pressing my shoulders back, standing tall I let the pretty woman lead me into the room and saw that there was a tall man already standing ahead… facing towards what looked like I suppose our justice of the peace. Just the four of us it seemed. The man did not look back… and I wondered if he did that on purpose. Perhaps he was as nervous about my being a troll as I was of his perceived attractiveness. But as I walked forward, my heels clicking on the stone floor I had a few extra minutes than he to appreciate his physique… and appreciate it I did. Tall, broad shoulders, and a custom fit blue suit that did everything to accentuate his trim fit waistline. The color was a bold choice... and spoke volumes about his personality, in my opinion. I am not even going to lie, he could be butt-ugly in the face but his body was definitely impressive. Suddenly he turned and my stomach coiled tightly. Yum! One simple dangerous wicked thought. Then the next thought was that I knew him… but I could not place from where. I recognized him. Then he smiled and every inch of me tingled and I smiled in return. Definitely not hard on the eyes!
Stepping to the little make shift alter he continued to grin as he leaned forward and introduced himself “Hi… I’m Michael”
It was such a silly thing really, causing me to giggle and him to laugh as I offered my name in a loud whisper back. So strange… introducing myself to my soon to be husband… meeting him minutes before he would become so. Then the Justice made the introductions as well and hearing his full name I suddenly realized he was no ordinary person. I mean… looking at him alone proved he was not ordinary, but he was also famous, a celebrity. And all I could think, while the nuptials were being recited, our words promising honestly, loyalty and commitment to the other, was why on earth would he be doing something as rash and unconventional as this. As if mad-capped adventures, such as this one, were only for audacious daredevils like myself… or for desperate lonely people. Not famous well-known, hot celebrities. Oh… the assumptions I made standing there were shameful!
It took only minutes to complete the small ceremony, being that we were alone… no fanfare… no family, no friends. Just the two of us. And at the end it was announced that he may ‘kiss his bride’ leaving me feeling uncertain a little… awkward maybe. I think he felt the same, but he took the lead and leaned down, he was much taller than I… and his lips touched mine. It wasn’t anything hot or heavy… not extremely lustful… but it made goosebumps prickle down my arms and a gnawing pit coil in my gut and my breath catch. The smell of him engulfed me… all leather and lavender and wood… it was as delicious as the look of him. Then he pulled back, looking down at me, some unreadable notion in his dark chocolate eyes that made shivers race down my spine. Then just as suddenly we were ushered to another private room by a smiling attendant where we were told that they could pull the car around to take us to our ‘home’.
There was a bottle of champagne in the room and Michael went over and poured us each a flute then strolled to my side offering the beverage before uttering in his deep smooth voice… “Mrs. Royce…”
Strangely, it eased the tension… sort of. It made my body react, giving me chills… but some of the awkwardness I felt being alone with a man that I didn’t know that was suddenly my husband slipped out of me. I grinned softly accepting the glass but looked up at him without taking a sip.
“We are married…”
“We are…” he nodded and continued to grin. At least he didn’t look upset about the fact…
“You do not look too disappointed at least…” and he chuckled softly as he lifted the delicate glassware to his lips. I watched him drink, unable to look away for some reason before I did the same.
“Well… you are definitely pleasant to look at… that could have been one of our first obstacles…”
I smirked continuing to look into his handsome face, “Seems as if I will not lack your honest opinion about things…”
“I make no guarantees… but I will try to do my best” and he winked at me.
“I encourage you to do so… even if you think I will not… appreciate… your honesty, I would rather have your candidness than to have a false sense of comfort”
He lifted a brow “And are you always so… candid?”
I wasn’t sure what his impression would be about that, whether he was pleased or dismayed by the prospect was indiscernible except for the curious lift of his brow. Of course, I was honest…
“I like to think so, if you need me to lie to you to make you feel better… or say only nice things to make you feel good about situations or yourself… we might not get along too well”
He seemed to be amused by my comment. “Every man likes his ego stroked Mrs. Royce… by sweet nothings from his wife’s lips” why when he called me that did it make me quiver inside…
“I like to think there are valid reasons for me to stroke your ego Mr. Royce… or are you suggesting that I will need to falsify how magnificent a husband and man you are?” I was no virgin or simpering shy miss… I could tell there was some sort of interest in his eyes, a spark of excitement perhaps at my words. He was smooth, and perhaps a bit cocky… I was certain that he had no trouble getting the attention of women. Not with his looks… his build… and I would be a fool not to consider his celebrity status. Women would throw themselves at him just for that alone even if he didn’t look as great as he does. There went all those assumptions piling up still in my head.
But before he could respond the attendant returned and informed us that our car was waiting. Michael took and set our glasses aside then guided me out to the car. Like a perfect gentleman he opened doors, waited until I was settled into the back of a long limo before he entered himself and then we were on our way.
So far, he had been friendly, attentive and courteous. There was perhaps a hint of physical attraction between us, at least I thought so, I certainly felt some. Plus, he was gainfully employed. It was like I had found me a unicorn.
JANUARY - YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION - COMPLETE
The attendant, Melody, traveled with and walked us through the next stages of our situation?... relationship?... our marriage. It was just so strange to be in this space and time. Michael had chosen to sit close even though he had other options in the decked-out limo. More champagne and heavier alcohols were scattered in a couple different buckets or cold storage refrigerators within the compartment, as well as some light snacks. But I avoided it all, and I noticed that he did as well. Not that I was averse to drinking really, but I was highly wired as it was and did not imagine that adding alcohol to my already heightened senses was the smartest thing I could do in that moment.
Melody, sitting across from us, was rattling on about what we should expect over the next three months and how living together would be up to us to decide. We would have a check-in at the end of the first three months to see how things were progressing. So, at the very least, the agency liked to see things through. They seemed to want to give their efforts the best fighting chance of success perhaps. I peeped up at Michael as she spoke and caught him staring. I had no idea what he was thinking but he certainly was not being subtle about watching me… and was it so bad that I found that I liked it very much… the interest he seemed to have in me. But he made no effort to touch me or show any sort of affection at all. I wondered if he were shy… or just private… or… I wasn’t sure. He had already admitted that he found me attractive so that wasn’t it.
Suddenly he was speaking to Melody and I had to literally shake my head to focus on the conversation. I felt like I was completely out of character around this man for some reason, getting all in my head and making assumptions and contemplating his thoughts instead of speaking to him. I frowned a little catching the topic… him wondering about the logistics of the apartment and the building we would be allowed to stay in… if we so chose to. She let us know that the interior styling of the apartment had been custom designed with both of our unique tastes in mind, based on feedback we had given during our oral interviews. She explained that we were pulling up now… and indeed a huge upscale newly designed building loomed before the window. Sleek dark brick and tinted windows scaled the exterior, a huge awning with a bold elegant scripted logo and completed with a tailored doorman ‘guarding’ the entrance. It was clearly not an average apartment building. We were led in, the doorman smiling welcomingly, and guided past an equally cheerful Concierge host before being led through the ins and outs of our ‘home’.
Fobs were required for all doors throughout the building and to operate the elevator. There was a garage but being that we were in New York City, it was unlikely that either of us would make use of a vehicle very often unless we were planning to the leave the city for any reason. The luxury two-bedroom apartment was actually a duplex unit, which was rather surprising. Upon entering, there was a powder room conveniently located off the entry foyer. From there we were led to an open and spacious sunken living room designed with floor to ceiling glass box windows and a centrally located fireplace. Natural wood floors and recessed lighting overhead extended the entire length of the common rooms which all overlooked Central Park. The kitchen was gorgeous, in bright white marble, stone and painted exposed brick with cooper accents it offered clean lines of sophistication that left me awed. It appeared to appeal to Michael as well, considering he spent quite a bit of time checking out the appliances as well as the numerous glass and ceramic cabinetry and storage options in great detail. The bedrooms were in complete contrast to the light and cheery main rooms. Upstairs it was rich subdued yet strong materials that enhanced and created the inviting appeal of these areas. Glass, black marble and espresso wood built-in’s make the rooms both elegant and functional. Both bedrooms had en-suite bathrooms which included showers and soak tubs in a high gloss modern design. The entire unit was fully furnished with contemporary furnishings and sunning artwork, included walk-in closets throughout and a laundry room between the two bedrooms. It also was fully stocked with foods and drinks making it obvious that the agency was encouraging us to make use of the space over the next months.
It was a breathtaking home, and after Melody finished touring us through the unit and promising that should we have any questions or concerns we should reach out and they would try to assist, she left.
And then we were alone, in ‘our home’… husband and wife. There was a space of silence that lasted for what seemed like minutes but was probably less than one…
“This is awkward” I blurted out
“This is a lovely home” He announced
We both laughed at the other’s simultaneous statement and blurted “yes” in unison. I giggled, he chuckled.
“Perhaps we should sit and chat a bit…” I nodded at his suggestion and he let me lead the way to the living space where I kicked off my heels and curled my feet under me in a kneeling/sitting position. He looked amused at my instinct. “Comfy?”
“Yes… I promise I don’t have smelly feet… but I will keep them tucked away so as not to offend your sensibilities”
“Oh good… nothing worse than stinky girl toes…” he teased in response as he sat opposite me on the same sofa.
“I can’t promise to protect you after my work outs though… you might want to find a safe space…”
He chuckled, “I will try to brave through it…” then latched onto a bit to converse about… “You work out often?”
“Every day… unless there is something exceptional that keeps me from it, like if I have to travel for work or idk… actually not sure what else has ever stopped me from getting my fit on. I imagine this place must have a stocked fitness room at the least… if it is anything compared to the inside of the apartment”
“I imagine so yes. We can work out together sometimes then…” I smiled at the idea and nodded my head.
“You like to work out?”
He chuckled again, “I like to stay in shape… which leads to working out…” which was reason enough, but he may find my thirst for exercise exhausting. We would have to see.
“I promise to not be too rough on you when we work out together then…”
“Sounds like you are assuming you can outmatch me…”
“I suppose we will have to see!” I tease feeling cheeky and more myself the more we spoke to each other. He had a great sense of humor… it seemed.
“How old are you?” Something a husband should know long before he became a husband I thought and giggled softly. This was the craziest thing I had ever done.
“25… you?”
“34”
I nod watching him, “Older than any guy I’ve ever dated… or seen… or… whatev you know…”
“had sex with…?” he supplied. I wondered if he hoped to make me blush… I did not.
“yes…” I commented honestly, to which he nodded without appearing to have any judgement on his face.
“And you are younger than any woman I have been with…” I think I showed surprise… he smirked at me “shocked?”
“A little I suppose… I am certain women my age… or even little younger… would be interested in you”
He chuckled but didn’t seem to take the comment seriously “Perhaps” was his exact reply and I tilted my head in curiosity.
“Is my age a concern for you?”
He was upfront and honest, which I had asked him to be. “I don’t know yet…” which meant he had some doubts.
“Fair enough… should I haggle you for more details or let you have your thoughts to yourself on the matter… for the time being?”
He grinned and I assumed he understood that at some point I would want to discuss the matter even if it was not right this minute. “Let’s just say that you are pleasantly surprising, and I have no cause for concern on the matter… for now”
I laughed and nodded in agreement but couldn’t resist a returning taunt, “fine… for now”
And then we just talked. About random things that popped into our heads, we laughed and teased. He removed his jacket, removed his cufflinks, rolled up his sleeves and got more comfortable. He talked about his work and I could really tell how invested and engaged he was about his profession. The joy it brought him to really live out the dream he had, knowing he was successful at what he was passionate about was inspirational. I shared with him my ambitions, my goals… how I envisioned my career going forward and found him supportive and encouraging. At one point he went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple bottles of water and some snacks… which was when he found out I was vegan.
“Urgh… I knew you were too good to be true!” He muttered with such a wicked pout I couldn’t stop the burst of laughter that spilled out of me
“Sorry…?” I playfully offered
“yeah yeah… are you like one of those die hard I want to kill you meat eater people types?”
I giggle shaking my head, “not at all… my parents are those horrid types of people and I love them to bits…”
“Oh really… so you were not born with this affliction?”
“Affliction… oh gosh!” I was laughing heartily now. “that is just cruel Mike”
He chuckled back “maybe one day you will let me convince you of the error of your ways…”
I was still grinning looking at him but suddenly there was an electricity that I felt jolt through me… some sort of magnetism that ignited in me as I stared into his eyes “I don’t know, I can be pretty stubborn sometimes”
“Cordelia you should never be afraid to take a chance and try something new…” his voice had lowered considerably… or maybe it was just my imagination. All I knew was that something about his look and his tone and the words he used made me vividly aware of his closeness, reminded me all too firmly that he was my husband.
“I think being here proves I am willing to take chances and try new things” I murmur in a low tone before I licked my lips and squirmed slightly on the sofa.
“And you really think you want to go through with this… living here with me, being in a committed relationship, actually putting forth the effort to see if this can really happen for us… the whole nine yards?”
“Is that what you want?”
“I asked first…” he smirked, “but I’ll go first, yes… that is what I want.”
“I want to try yes… I am serious about the commitment.”
“Good” he murmured with a smile. “one sec…” I looked confused as he rose and walked to where he laid his blazer across one of the dining room chair backs. My heart was racing wildly as I watched him, adrenaline again. I was unabashedly attracted to my husband. When he returned it was obvious that he was clutching something in his hand. And I was certain that I looked curious. “I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect out of all this, or you frankly… it was quite possible that we may not hit it off or get along at all”
I laughed softly and nod, “I agree… lucky for me you are nowhere near to being the potential troll I imagined you could be”
“haha… I am certainly glad that I did not turn out to be… a troll!” I grinned as he slid back onto the sofa. Suddenly he held out his hand and again I looked confused but hesitantly I slipped my hand onto his and he held it lightly while slipping a large marquise cut diamond ring onto my finger “I believe that my wife should be adequately adorned”
“You are really going all in on this…” I whisper staring down at the big rock on my finger. My stomach was churning repeatedly.
“You just agreed that it was what you wanted too” he looked confused staring at me.
“I do” I uttered as I quickly curled my hand around his, squeezing it as if I was seeking to reassure him… my eyes gazed at his lips then rose to his eye… “I want to do this with you” I confirm in a throaty tone. His eyes narrowed on me, grew darker and my body tingled from what to me looked intense as hell. I noticed his nostrils flare a bit wider as if he were resolving for calmness. He made no move towards me even though all I could think about was wanting to kiss him, touch him… more.
“I think…” he began, his voice almost as deep and raspy as mine had sounded to me… “that if things were different… I would yank you up and carry you to one of those beds upstairs and have you right now” Every fucking inch of me shivered and pulsed and ached.
“But…” I whisper hesitantly and almost wished I had just made a move instead of giving him the opportunity to speak… I was almost certain I did not want him to finish his thought process…
“I think we should take this slower… take some time to get to know each other better…” I think I barely managed to keep the moan of regret from slipping past my lips… barely. “We should at least try…” he added while still looking at me.
And we talked a bit more, agreeing that for at least a month we would maintain separate rooms, but spend as much time together as possible to try and become better acquainted. He had a hectic work schedule but mostly only four times per week unless there was an appearance he needed to make, and since I did not have any big modelling shoots outside of the New York area within the next two months most of my work could be done from home except for the few meetings I had set up with collaborators and the casting directors for the television show I was auditioning for.
It was late but when he heard my stomach growl, he realized suddenly that neither of us had eaten much of anything that day. He grinned and insisted on whipping something up for us. Which ended up being a full-on meal and not just a couple sandwiches. Surprisingly I arched a brow as he bit into his own share of the chimichurri cauliflower steak dish he prepared.
“I never said I did not like veggies… just do not expect me to eat rabbit food every day”
I smirked then moaned deeply after taking my first bite. It was insanely delicious, and I ended up scoffing down the whole plate he set before me then whimpering like a stuffed pig. He looked entirely too pleased with himself when I finally peeped at him.
“If you eat my food like that all the time, I may fall head over heels for you in no time flat” he teased. I smirked but then rolled my eyes at him…
“If you keep making food like that for me all the time, I will get fat as a hog in no time flat!”
“You will just work it off in the morning… you already told me… and repay me for my good treatment of you with your stinky girl toes…”
I laughed, hard… and knew quite certainly that I was completely infatuated with my husband.
JANUARY - BENDING IS BETTER THAN BREAKING - COMPLETE
Things were going well between Mike and me… maybe too well. It had been a couple weeks and he continued to be more than I hoped for. Which is likely why I was still being so hush-hush about him to the outside world. I had spoken to my mom more than a few times and I shared with her my confusion… my excitement. She was surprisingly pleased with all accounts and maybe more confused than I over my seemingly perfect match. And each time I spoke to her I could tell that she was literally waiting for the shoe to drop on what this man’s invariable deep-seated flaw would be. I continued to be brightly optimistic… I was happy, super glad I had taken the risk and found him. But… still… hesitant to share the news with the world at large. I hadn’t even told my friends any real details about him or WHO he was. Which was so vastly unusual for me. I hadn’t even been out with any of them… or to any parties… I mean… my social life had been limited quite effectively to spending time getting to know my husband. I nibbled on my lower lip, taking a tiny moment from my current task to think about it… and him.
He was busy, that was true and likely his biggest ‘flaw’ that I could think of. But I appreciated his drive, I was proud of him and his determination and his ambition. I supported him about it. I felt the same way about my own work and when he was off busily growing his brand I was busily working on my own. And despite the fact that as a model and an actress I was now married to a celebrity, I wanted his success to have no impact on my achievements in my own right. Much as I had been with my father’s successes. Both my father… and now my husband had the connections and the clout to get me into doors that would do wonders for my career, but I refused, had always refused to use them. I wanted to make my achievements on my own, and I had, and would continue to do so.
I was currently sitting at the desk in our small in-home office humming as I plotted my chart for the next month. I had several jobs booked in the next two weeks during NYFW so that week right before Valentine’s Day was going to be extremely hectic with fittings and runway practices. Plus, I had the call back for the television show immediately after Valentine’s day. I sighed softly as I tapped my finger against the screen of my tablet wondering how I would fit the editorial request into my schedule within the next two weeks that already seemed rather booked up. Anyone looking at me… at my petite stats… would assume a lack of success when it came to modeling, but I had made a name for myself… I was sought after despite my height in an industry where that was almost unheard of. But even that was changing, models were changing, shapes and sizes of all types now littered the industry but still… high fashion… where the real money was… continued to be pretty streamlined and more exclusive.
Suddenly a sound behind me distracted me and I turned to see Mike peeping his head into the room, a smile coming to his face as he saw me. I am sure I looked a mess… sitting around in a pair of faded sweatpants and a loose baggy rocker tee, my hair probably spiked from shoving my fingers through it a time or two. But I smiled seeing him.
“Hey… you’re home early” I murmured happily, and he grinned back.
“Yeah we wrapped up early” he announced as he walked further into the room and glanced down over my shoulder to the array of assignments that were piling up on the calendar. “Wow… looks like you have a lot going on”
We usually didn’t spend a lot of time digging into my work, not that he was closed off to discussing it but he wasn’t pushy about it either. I looked down again and smiled rather proudly at the itinerary but when I looked back up at him he looked confused. I arched a brow…
“I… didn’t know you did runway…” his tone was incredibly odd.
I twisted around in the chair and pulled my legs, crossing one over the other as I lifted a brow… “Well… yeah… mostly edgier brands. Does that bother you?”
“Umm… no… I just… didn’t expect it I guess” but I wasn’t convinced. It didn’t sound like it was just surprise in his tone. I chuckled softly
“You didn’t google me then I take it…”
“No of course not…” was his immediate, and quite serious, response.
“Why of course not? I looked you up…”
“What?... Why…?” He looked incredulous. Both of my eyebrows shot up. Was he serious right now?
“Why? Because… well it’s there. To find out more about you… to see what people say about you… to get …” the more I spoke the more his brow knitted together. “What…?”
“I am right here you can ask me whatever you want…” his tone was clipped.
“Bae… I just figured that if there was anything of serious import you would have shared it with me by now. But… knowledge is power and arming yourself against whatever rumors and innuendo and gossip and salaciousness is out there is not a bad thing to do in this day and age. Social media is a tool…” I paused seeing that he was not at all deviating from his cold stance… “Is there something out there that I should be concerned about?”
“No…” but oh boy was his jaw clenched tighter than a bow string. “I just like my privacy”
“You wont ever again be able to have unlimited privacy anymore Mike… because of who you are, what you have accomplished. People are going to be curious about you… want to know more about you. The only way for you to have any power over what is said about you is for you to control your presence out there… not letting others dictate what is said or shared about your life” I turned back around and started swiping and pressing down on my tablet pulling up info about myself and holding the tablet out to him… “I have a very active social media presence… I can show you how I do mine… I control my presence… I…”
“I get it… and I am not telling you not to do your thing, you can continue your routine or whatever… do what you like with it, of course. I just prefer to keep my personal and public life separate.” He muttered as he held the tablet as if it were something offensive and dirty. It was my turn to frown.
“I think… as your wife, I should be a part of your personal and your public life. Or is it your intention to hide the fact that we are married completely from the outside world?”
“I am not hiding it… in fact I wanted to discuss with you that I was hoping to host a dinner party this weekend. I want to invite my brother and my assistant over to meet you… and you can invite whomever you like” I continued to frown.
“Soo… your brother and your assistant are the only people that you are not afraid to know about me… that you are married and off the market and committed to this relationship?” He looked at me and I was certain that my jaw was flexing probably as near as tightly as his had been.
Suddenly he exhaled a breath and brushed one hand back through his hair. “I didn’t mean it that way…”
“How did you mean it then Michael?”
“Soooo… will I become Michael every time you get angry at me?” He tried to be cheeky, and I think secretly I wanted to accept the offered reprieve from the riotous emotions that were strangely circling in my head. I was not really used to feeling so upset about… anything really. Usually I was the one that brushed shit off and acted like it was inconsequential.
“I do not like to be angry… I think that I am feeling quite foolish right now. Clearly you do not wish for the world to know you are married…”
“That’s not true” He sighed and shook his head dismally. “I can count on one hand the number of people I am close to in this world… the ones that matter should definitely know about you.” He stated firmly… “I simply do not care what the rest of the world thinks”
I as well sighed and nibbled on my bottom lip before I began nodding my head slowly. “Fine… okay… but I think you do not understand. You cannot just live in a bubble where outside influences are meaningless. You may not care about what people think but what they say and do can in fact affect you and the relationships you have in your life… you should be the one controlling the narrative of wha… urgh… sorry. I will drop it and I will try to do my best to keep you hidden in my life as much as I possibly can” I rose from the chair and started to straighten up the mess I had made while I was working, really distracting myself from the errant thoughts tumbling through my head.
“That is also not what I meant… I do not want you to hide me… look at me Cordelia…” He stated and after a brief hesitation I turned to look at him. He still held the tablet and he looked concerned. “I am your husband and you are my wife.” What the hell… did he expect me to go gallivanting all over the internet bragging and raving about my illustrious husband while he remained closed off and tight lipped about me… forcing me to look like some lovestruck sappy puppy and he emotionless and detached. I pressed my lips together.
“Which day were you thinking about the party? I think my parents should come at the least…” I comment, completely and utterly removing myself from that previous conversation. At least for now. I did not like the pressure that was starting to throb at my temple.
He was quiet for such a long time, looking like he truly meant to say more but eventually he accepted the impasse and suggested Friday night for the get together. I nod and I tried to put on a smile that was not very successful. He mentioned he would go start dinner and I suggested that he did not have to if he did not want to. He insisted he wanted to. While he was bustling around in the kitchen, I took the time to get my emotions in check. I did not really understand what had just happened but his aversion to social media… his refusal to want to share information about himself… things that concerned me and our relationship status… upset me a great deal. I had never ever cared about anyone mentioning me or considering me in their virtual life before… but… idk I suppose I just assumed when I married, the man I married… would be as proud and eager to tell the world he had me as I felt about telling the world I had him. And it bothered me that he did not want to claim me… at least publicly. My thumb twirled the big diamond around my finger, something I had begun doing the very day he had slid the ring onto my hand. It had become a habit of sorts… as if I had double checked to see if this was all real so many times. Maybe I was being silly or too wrapped up in the publicity. He was right about the fact that the important people in our lives were the ones that truly mattered.
After finishing the straightening up, I went to the kitchen, the refrigerator specifically, and grabbed a bottle of white wine from it. As I moved about, grabbing a bottle opener and popping the cork I mention casually “My dad may be hard to win over”
He peeped over at me, and I could tell he was hesitant. I was too… hesitant and uncertain. It was the first disagreement we had ever had so far but I wanted to move forward not dwell on the unpleasantness. I moved to grab a stemmed glass from the cabinet and looked towards him to see if I should get two. At his slight nod I pulled a second and then poured us each a sampling of the light golden drink.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he didn’t know I was going to get you and only found out after I was already married that I would be married…” I admit as I finally moved to sit at the kitchen island and proceeded to sip from my glass while he braised something that smelled delicious at the stove. The tablet sat black screened on the edge of the white marble surface.
“And he is not going to like the fact that you are married?”
“He is not going to like the fact that he did not get to decide if you were worthy of his babygirl beforehand…”
Suddenly he smirked, “So… you set me up” He was moving whatever he was cooking onto two separate plates. I wrinkled my nose a little bit because… it looked suspiciously like meat, but the scent had my stomach growling.
“Well… I did not know it would be you exactly that would be set up, but… yes I suppose that I set my husband up…”
“Cruel” he murmured as he placed the dish in front of me and crossed his arms challengingly. I looked down at the glistening braised meat over a bed of sautéed vegetables, shaved black truffles and figs frowning.
“What is this…?” I pouted glumly.
“Swordfish…” he announced without hesitation and I looked at him like he was extremely mean and petty.
“It is only fair…” He retorted still holding his arms across his damn chest as I looked back at the food that hatefully smelled like heaven.
“How is THIS fair? You know I cannot eat this…”
“You mean that you do not want to…” He insisted.
“Same thing” I muttered stubbornly and took a sip of my wine instead still frowning at the offensive dish that had my mouth watering.
Suddenly he grabbed the tablet and tried fiddling with it, frowning as the code block popped up before he shoved it at me… “do whatever you do to start it…” I almost laughed at his annoyance towards the small black object. I pressed in my code to unlock it and the screen lit up. He took it back and fiddled with it again before sliding it slowly in front of me beside the plate…
“I did something I hate for you… it’s fair that you do something you hate for me…” I looked down and could see that he had changed his status on his social media account to married. And there were already a slew of follower comments trailing down the account page remarking it. Not that he had bothered to reply to any. But the fact that he had announced it was enough. I looked up at him. It was really the stupidest thing in the world that my heart raced madly at his concession. But it wasn’t really a concession. He wanted something in return, and not some frivolous silly campy thing… he wanted something meaningful in return. I broke our locked gazes and frowned back at the food. He had already made the announcement… people already knew… I could refuse him because people would already be talking about the revelation. Even if he removed the status, there would still be talk. The deed was done. But I wouldn’t do that. Slowly I plucked the fork he set on the counter and took a liberal amount of fish and veggies and stuffed it into my mouth.
I winced as I chewed, feeling the meat mash between my teeth. And my brain wanted so badly to hate every chomp, but my mouth was celebrating each succulent juicy bite. Shamefully I ate several more bites before I finally set my fork aside. He did not tease me or taunt me over it, he simply nodded his head and added what was left on my plate to his, poured more wine to each of our glasses and finished eating his dinner.
When he finished eating, I rose and began clearing the dishes and loading the dishwasher.
“Thank you, Mike” I utter softly looking at him, wanting him to understand that I appreciated… not only his giving in on the media thing… but also, the bargaining too. Like… it felt more honest to me, both of us giving in to something that mattered to the other. I equated his aversion to social media to my aversion to meat now… I almost laughed. He grunted as he stood up and stretched. It was bad for my equilibrium that his shirt stretched higher than his waistband and exposed a very ripped patch of flesh that I very much wanted to explore further. But he straightened quicker than I hoped and I darted my eyes back up to his face. The man had the willpower of a saint I thought. The idea of bedding him didn’t ever seem to be far from my thoughts but still… weeks into our marriage he had not attempted to do anything physical. I honestly did not find it odd at all that it was the very first thing I thought of as soon as our little spat was put to rest.
“I would like for us to try and not go to bed angry with each other if we can manage it…”
“I am not angry anymore” I assured him while pulling my thoughts away from the idea of heading to bed with him… which made him laugh.
“I meant… like ever…”
“Ahhh… um… yes, I think that I would like for us to do that… if we can manage it yeah…”
Three days later, those very words would be put to the test.
JANUARY - THEY COME WITH ME - COMPLETE
THE PARENTS
NICHELLE TOMSON (Thandie Newton)
DANIEL TOMSON (Hugh Jackman)
By the time Friday arrived Mike had everything for the dinner party all organized and laid out. I had literally nothing to do but dress and wait for our guests to arrive. So, I took my time getting ready, extra care with every detail of my appearance. It would be the first time I got to meet Mike’s brother and his assistant that he raved so much about. I looked forward to the evening actually. And my parents would get to meet him and see what a great guy he was. I had high hopes for the night.
It was maybe 30 minutes before the guests were supposed to arrive when stepped onto the landing above the stairs. Mike was facing the stove, checking on whatever he had in there I suppose so I had precious moments where I could check him out without him knowing. He looked extremely casual and comfortable dressed in a pair of dark blue denim jeans and a slim fitted white v-neck tee that hugged and contoured his upper body enticingly. Feeling decidedly like a creeper I stopped spying and started to descend causing him to look up as my heels clicked on the wooden stairs. The way his eyes lit up made me feel giddy that I spent the extra time getting ready.
“you make me feel underdressed” he murmured as his eyes roamed over the snug black lace off shoulder jumpsuit and slinky stilettos.
“Would you prefer I go change into jeans and tee?”
“No.” He grunted firmly making me grin.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” He was just standing in the middle of the kitchen looking dumbfounded as he continued staring.
“Umm… I put some champagne in the freezer, maybe move it to the fridge or an ice bucket… “ he uttered before setting a couple platters on the island counter and began setting decorative garnish around the ceramic dishes before he began to add his food. I had to admit, even knowing how delicious he cooked it was something else to see him lay out his work like art.
It didn’t take long for the first person to arrive, which turned out to be his assistant Mia. Mike greeted her warmly, giving her a hug which she returned eagerly and made introductions. Oddly enough her reception seemed a bit cold to me, but I just chalked it up to my being nervous meeting his friends and family for the first time. He took her coat to hang it in the entry closet and I admit, I was a bit surprised by the low-cut top she wore that literally had her almost spilling out for all to see. Well us... Mike and I… She was massively endowed to be frank and she apparently liked to show it. Mike, to give him credit, seemed to appear oblivious to her… charms?... attributes… good gracious. He grinned at me as if completely excited that people were starting to arrive then moved back towards the kitchen to continue laying out his array.
“Can I get you something to drink Mia?”
“Ohhh… don’t tell me Mikey has demoted you to servant already!” She remarks oddly.
“Mikey?” ew I think looking back at him and ignoring the rest of her ridiculous comment, what an odd sense of humor.
“I don’t know why she does that sometimes” He called back, his head bent as he spiraled a lemon rind for garnish… “I haven’t been Mikey since I was like nine years old or some other foolishness”
“It’s cute…” she giggled, a little too loudly. It was not cute I thought, he was a grown man. But I tried to be amiable and offered a tiny giggle. Thankfully there was another knock at the door and I went to it. My parents this time. My heart raced and I squealed excitedly as I saw them for the first time since I was married. Quickly I found my way into both of their arms for a warm hug before I noticed that Mike had come back from the kitchen to be introduced.
“Mom… Dad… this is my husband Michael Royce…” They each seemed extremely hesitant and I completely understood. It was an awkward situation… but I was certain that they would see what I did eventually. Mom was first to be cordial… expectedly, smiling and letting him know it was nice to finally meet him. Dad… not so much. He grunted a little and seemed intent on holding his reservations and judgement about the man I married in hand for the moment. Mike did not seem to become offended or defensive which was a great thing. He did ask if my father enjoyed cognac, which he already knew since he had already asked me what my father’s favorite liquor was. But it broke the ice a little as he informed Dad that he had a bottle of Louis XIII that was just waiting to be cracked open. And my Dad smiled slightly following Mike to where we had set up a small little bar.
Minutes later, the last to arrive was Mike’s brother Noah. He was a bit shorter than Mike, and definitely not as handsome, but that could just me being biased… however, he seemed like an okay guy. Far more friendly towards Mia than myself… which made sense since he knew her already. He ended up making his way to where Mike and my Dad stood chatting.
And so, the party started, a bit awkwardly but it seemed to be smoothing out. I was chatting with my mom and Mia, who continued to be rather odd.
“So, tell me a little about yourself Mia” I suggested smiling, hoping to get to know her better.
“Not much to tell really, I work for Mikey… see to all of his day to day needs and make sure that he has everything he needs no matter what it is” I really didn’t like that nickname at all. Good gracious.
“He often commends your work ethic I am certain he is grateful for your efforts to streamline all the chaos that can occur with the type of work that he does”
“Oh… you really have NO idea how much he depends on me. I have literally had to drag him out of bed at times to get him going on his tasks” I frowned… and I was quite certain that my mother was NOT finding the woman’s comments innocent.
“That seems… excessive…” My mother stated in a neutral tone, but I was not fooled for a moment, she was not liking what this woman was spewing from her lips. I was not sure what to make of it. Mike had never ever indicated that anything… ANYTHING… had ever happened with him and Mia, he had always only talked about her working hard.
“Not really, when you’ve been together as long as Mikey and me, there is bound to be situations where the unexpected happens. I mean… you understand I am sure.” She murmured looking directly at me “Living with him you must always have trouble getting him out of bed” What the hell…
I heard the three men laugh out loud, so at least they seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. I on the other hand was feeling awkward with Mia’s clearly laced comments. I was pretty certain she was trying to insinuate that she had shared Mike’s bed. Mike was moving back to the kitchen and pulling something out of the oven and Mia called over to him not to burn anything. Why that annoyed me I wasn’t sure… or maybe I was. I tried to act like I wasn’t bothered at all, I certainly didn’t want my mother getting all worked up over this woman when I had done nothing but praise Mike to her for the past couple weeks. Of course, there was no way for me to genuinely know if something had happened between the two of them… or still was really. I barely knew the man… he could be the biggest liar I had ever met in my entire life. My stomach coiled into a tight knot.
“Okay everyone we can eat!” He called out, sounding incredibly chipper. And I shook my head, I refused to believe that he would be foolish enough to bring some woman he had a relationship with over to meet his wife. I mean… could he really be that villainous?
Mia was quick to rush to his side, acting excessively interested in his display and begging him to give a breakdown of the dishes. Everyone else had found their way to a seat at the table like normal human beings leaving the three chairs together. Mike was eager to do so, but it was only after he stepped around Mia, who had somehow… I am certain purposefully… placed herself between the two of us, to take the chair between us that he began to point to and explain each dish. I wont lie, I was getting rather incensed over her behavior, but again, I tried incredibly hard to appear calm and cheery.
From the bizarre to the sublime he detailed all the offerings he had prepared for us to partake in. Birds nest soup, Cognac marinated lobster and champagne-soaked caviar tacos, foie gras and imperial crab flatbread, fugu sashimi, Wagyu beef and sliced black truffle sliders, Sago grub crusted Kobe beef bites, feta cheese and roasted red pepper stuffed portobello mushrooms, and organic buffalo mozzarella sticks. Both Noah and Mia were likely unsurprised by the exquisite array of unusual foods, but my parents looked impressed and perhaps a little scared. I was grinning at Mike’s enthusiasm and his encouraging taunts towards my father to try some of the more ‘unique’ fares.
“Doesn’t seem to be much here for you to eat Delia…”
Mike’s eyes lit up as he looked at me “Delia hmmm….” I shook my head… no one ever called me that but my mom. “… she didn’t tell you that she is eating meat now Mrs. Tomson?” He inquired quite casually as he reached past me to pierce a sliver of the Kobe and popping it into his mouth instead of onto his plate. Rude!
Both Noah and Mia looked confused… well so did my parents to be honest. I pressed my lips together and frowned at his damn comment.
“What?!”… “You did what?!”… Mom and Dad kind of choked out together.
“I had a bite of meat” I corrected…
“Four bites I am certain…”
“What is going on?” Noah joined in trying to figure out the situation. He seemed to be on his third drink in the short time he had been there.
“I am vegan” I explain to Noah, ignoring Mike’s smirk and my parents extremely curious and shocked faces.
“Well surely that is a deal breaker for you Mike…” he stated bluntly which made me frown. I looked up at Mike who just shook his head with a grin still picking at random things from the table…
“Wait… you’re eating meat? You haven’t eaten meat since you were a teen… when did you eat meat?” My mother was buzzing all in my right ear while I continued to watch Mike wanting to hear what he would say to his brother. Instead he seemed more interested in speaking with my mother.
“The day I told the world she was my wife she celebrated by joining me for a bit of swordfish…” I pressed my lips together again knowing that was not exactly what had happened.
“It wasn’t that big a deal mom… just a couple bites…”
“Wow… so you’re just going to break with your ethics or commitment or whatever it is that you do that vegan thing for so easily hmmm?” Mia chiming in. I narrowed my gaze at her, was she really like literally calling out my integrity?
“She did it for me, which I thought was sweet” Mike comments still grinning… I think in direction to everyone’s comments but maybe in direct response to Mia.
“I am not complaining, I am just surprised that is all” Mom said definitely looking surprised, Mike smiled, Noah looked dissatisfied, Mia looked disgusted… Dad… he was piling food on a plate.
“Well so far everything I have tasted has all been delicious so I can see why she was eating it” Dad blurted out without any pretense and settled into plucking the food from his plate happily. Mike looked cheeky and I rolled my eyes. Clearly Dad was not so difficult to win over as I had thought.
Everyone else seemed to be of a like mind to Dad once he was digging in and they all began piling plates up. I hesitated while Mike began placing tiny bits of everything on my plate. I frowned.
“Why are you trying to cause trouble?” I hissed at him
“Moi?” He teased seeming extremely content with the way the evening was progressing. He leaned close and whispered in my ear “I think your Dad at least likes me… seems like your Mom keeps giving me the evil eye though…”
It was quite foolish that the feel of his warm breath against my ear as he spoke privately to me sent chills down my spine and made goosebumps spread down my arms.
“I am sure she is just a little overprotective…” I dropped my head and whispered back. I wasn’t exactly going to tell him that might have more to do with his assistants unsettling comments than anything he was actually doing.
Dinner conversation at that point seemed to get a little bit more normal but I noticed that everyone kind of eyed my plate. A plate that Mike had purposefully settled more than just the mushroom dish on. I ate the mushrooms easily, the rest I plucked and picked over, avoiding the meat directly. But Dad was right, it all looked and the parts I did taste… tasted delectable. I was disappointed that so much had meat… I wanted to taste it all. Mike smirked at my effort. It was shameful the food he wasted putting it on my plate. I noticed that everyone else was cleaning their plates though. And Noah had somehow pulled a whole bottle of scotch to the table and was refilling his glass liberally as the meal progressed. Every now and again I would catch him leering at me in an unsettling way… but I just assumed it was part of his mannerism because no one else seemed to suspect or sense anything out of the ordinary.
Eventually Mike announced that he had a special dessert prepared and everyone seemed excited about the prospect. Even mom was warming up to him after the meal she seemed to enjoy quite a lot. I got up to help him clear some of the empty dishes from the table, but he insisted that I do nothing. Which also seemed to please my mom although he likely didn’t notice the approving nod she showed me
“You barely ate anything… so much of Mikey’s talent wasted on that plate” I gritted my teeth. I swear that she was insulting me… or was I making assumptions? The damn woman seemed intent on innuendoes and slights. I continued to try and keep my sharp tongue in check, but I was not so sure how much longer my mom would hold hers and hers was 20 years sharper than mine. I could literally feel her seething next to me.
“I will be happy to get you a doggie bag to enjoy some when you go home tonight… I am certain Michael and I won’t be able to eat this mountainous amount of food with just the two of us alone”
“Perhaps… I can understand how overfilled you must be dealing with Mikey…” she giggled as if sharing a secret with me… “ and he is such a healthy eater too, I am sure you already know that. Always putting something in his mouth…”
I lifted my wine glass and took a sip instead of tossing the contents at the girl a chair away. What the hell was her fucking problem? Was she seriously sitting here in my home hinting that she had intimate knowledge of my husband? I gritted my teeth and my mom balled up her napkin and tossed it on the table. I peeped over and could tell she was about to get started. But just then Mike walked back to the table grinning widely as he carried a beautiful cake to us. And when I say beautiful… I mean like gorgeous… mesmerizing! A decadent white truffle cream cheesecake filled with goji-berry Riesling jelly and sprinkled with gold leaf he announced with a flourish as he set it onto a cleared spot on the table. Dad was literally looking like he was drooling… mom was not in a pleasant mood, although she did compliment the immaculate design. That big boob betty across from us ooouu’d and ahhhh’d over it. The brother was damn near slanted eye from the nearly empty bottle of scotch that sat in front of him. I frowned at that. Seriously… he had been drinking more than he had been eating.
Mike grinned happily as he cut into the cake and passed a slice around to everyone. He even put a piece in front of me. I was certain it had dairy and therefore uneatable to me. I wanted to punch him for teasing me with it.
“Maybe he will be able to fatten you up some with stuff like this. I mean you look like you are starving girl… you really should eat more.” Mom hissed beside me and Mike frowned looking up first at my mom and seeing the look on her face then glancing over at Mia.
“Mia I need to speak with you…” He uttered firmly and waited for her to rise, she looked up wide-eyed and I would even say she looked giddy. Like what the actual hell was she thinking. Did she think he was pulling her aside for a little private treat? Or what the hell was he thinking? Maybe he fucking was doing exactly that to get her to behave or hide their little secret better… the assumptions trolling through my head where not helping my mood any. I refused to look over and instead stared at the slender piece of cake set on my plate. It looked and smelled wonderful.
“Delia… this is not what you described” I could hear that mom was unhappy even in such a low voice. I inhaled a breath before looking at her.
“It’s not him being difficult mom” I whispered. “I never met her before… and all he has ever said was about her work… she… she is as much a shock to me as she is to you”
Suddenly they were walking back and there was definitely a less happy look on Mia’s face, but Mike attempted to look calm and collected while walking back to claim his seat beside me but I could tell he was bothered. The problem was I was not exactly sure what he was bothered about. Was he upset about Mia’s overall behavior? Upset that maybe some little secrets he had thought hidden had escaped? Mad that my parents… at least my Mom hadn’t fallen under his spell quite as easily as my Dad and I… and then I had to wonder if that was how I was starting to feel. Was I some sort of pawn in some crazy scheme of his? This whole evening with his assistant had been incredibly strange. If what she insinuated was true… if she were so close to him… sooo intimate… why would he bother seeking a marriage with a complete stranger? There were also the rumors about an ex-girlfriend… possibly an ex-fiance… that floated around the internet which Mike had never mentioned and therefore I had just assumed it was just rumors and idle gossip. All these thoughts spilled over and over through my head while my mother stewed with her own unhappy thoughts regarding my husband. And I did not doubt at all how she was feeling, I knew my mother well… and I could tell that she was not supportive at the moment over this arrangement. Which would definitely prove to make things difficult.
“Have you tried the cake yet Mrs. Tomson?”
“I am afraid I am quite full after that wonderful dinner actually Michael, but it is incredibly lovely to look at” Her tone was so clipped but Mike smiled pleasantly. I supposed he could not tell or sense Mom’s cold behavior.
“Well I hope I can package some slices for you and Daniel to share at home…” First name basis with Dad… at least that had happened.
“Definitely” Dad responded with a warm chuckle. He was in a good mood. I totally expected this evening to be the other way around. Not necessarily with a cold and icy father but with him being far more reserved than Mom.
“Its iss awuesome big brouther” I frowned looking over at Noah and could see that he was quite drunk. He tipped a glass in Mikes direction but, I do not know, he did not seem to be a happy drunk. He seemed… I don’t know, vexed. But I had no idea why I thought that or felt that. Mike thanked him but paid little attention to his behavior. Was this normal? I had to think it was. Why else would Mike not say something. And don’t get me wrong… I loved a good cocktail, and I was not so innocent to claim that I had not become a messy drunk once in a little while. BUT… this was supposed to be an intimate dinner party… a getting to know you meal… and everything was just not going the way I hoped.
Dad seemed oblivious to the nuances and agitations going on around him, Mom was definitely on high alert and ready for action, Noah was getting more and more uneasily sloppy and Mia now sat with the poutiest frown on her face. And just for something to do I picked up my fork and began poking at the cake that sat before me.
“You don’t have to you know…” He murmured softly watching me. I smiled sadly as I looked at him.
“I know” and I did know. He wasn’t trying to force me to eat his food, he hoped I would but it was not something that would change how he felt about me. The problem was, I had no idea what he felt about me. I didn’t know what he felt about most things. I did not know him at all really. Just the glimpses I had from our alone time in the last two weeks. It had only been two damn weeks. I sighed softly. And suddenly I felt his hand squeeze my leg under the table. Reassurance? A request for patience? I looked at him and he gave my leg one additional squeeze then a pat and I knew he was trying to convey a message of support or encouragement at the very least. It was literally the first time he had touched me since the day we married. He didn’t keep his hand there long and he was speaking once again to my father, who at least seemed to be the most cordial at the table.
Eventually we all rose from the table, my parents mentioning that they needed to get on the road since they would not be staying in the city for the night. I frowned worrying about them driving the distance to Scarsdale after the few drinks and with how late it had become. But mom was insistent… and I knew arguing with her was pointless. Not when she had stubbornly made up her mind. So, we embraced, and she held me much longer than she might have if the night hadn’t been filled with so much unpleasantness to her. She also gave Mike a very clipped goodbye, while Dad on the other hand was pleased and even clapped Mike on the back as we walked them to the door.
Then I was left alone with his people. The sulky obviously bratty and at the very least infatuated co-worker and the inebriated brother. The fact that Mike never ever cautioned him or remarked on his drinking made it obvious that this behavior was not unexpected. And… I do not know why that irked me so much that he would let me invite my parents to this chaos if he knew that his family and friends acted like this. At the very least he should have warned me about them. Now my Mom was judging him based on their behavior… and I wasn’t all the way certain that she was wrong to do so. Maybe that was the smartest thing to do? But I had never in my life judged someone based on the company they keep… everyone had their own personality and behavior right… and no one could chose who their family was. But Mia… she wasn’t family… a co-worker that was so close to him that he invited her to a family dinner would have to be considered part of his ‘poor’ judgement…
I found a place on the sofa opposite where both Mia and Noah sat and Mike joined me. He engaged in conversation with them and it seemed ordinary enough but I kept quiet. Mostly because I didn’t really feel included. They talked about work or other things that they had done in the past, I suppose Mike was trying to help me get to know them. But both Mia and Noah seemed content to share inside jokes or comments about the past that I just did not understand and had no context off because I had not been there. It felt like the both of them were trying to make it painfully obvious just how little I knew about Mike and how different they thought that we were. Mike was the hardworking, ambitious young man that had pulled himself up by himself since he was 17 without the help and support of his family and had made something of himself. And I was just some spoiled rich girl that seemed to get what I wanted without any effort. It was totally the vibe I was getting from them. They knew nothing about me either but didn’t seem to care to find out.
Eventually Mia mentioned leaving and I seriously got the feeling that she expected Mike to insist she stay after having drinks and staying so late, kind of what I had done with my parents. But he did not. And I knew that if he had… the two of us would be keeping the bitch up long into the night with lots of loud… obnoxious… cantankerous ‘debating’. But I did not have to plan for a night like that at least because the most he did was insist the he call for an Uber or Lyft driver to see her home. My husband was a gentleman… but no fool it seemed. His brother however he did insist stay. And I nodded my head at that. The man was so drunk he would likely hurt himself or knock himself unconscious once he got home and no one would know.
I am certain the good night I gave Mia on her way out was even colder than the one my mother gave to Michael, but I did not care at this point what the woman thought of me. My husband though seemed thoughtful once the apartment quieted down.
“I can finish cleaning up here and in the kitchen?” I offer in a soft tone looking towards the table and bar that still had a few dishes laying about before I looked back to him. He was watching me and I got the feeling that he wanted to say something… or do something. But whatever it was it was unreadable and then it was also gone within seconds.
“No, it’s okay really... I will take care of it. I think I am going to let Noah take my room for the night too… don’t need us tripping over him in the morning…”
That made sense. I asked if he needed help with getting the man up the stairs but apparently he felt he could handle that alone as well. I wondered if it was normal course for him to usher his drunken brother to safe places. I only nodded my head though and went up the stairs to my own room. I showered, dressed in an oversized tee and some shorts that actually landed at a shorter length than the hem of my tee, and settled on my bed. I felt exhausted and plenty disappointed. Tonight, in my opinion was a failure. Both sides of our family had issues that were not resolved in any way tonight. It was then that my phone chimed.
Pulling it over and swiping I noticed that my father had just left a message
“Home. Mom not happy. Mike cool 2 me. <3 u tts”
And I shook my head at my father’s shorthand but smiled too. One good thing tonight is better than none right? I texted back “Love you too” but nothing more. I would have to deal with Mom tomorrow no doubt. Tonight… I paused. Tonight, I would deal with Mike. I wasn’t mad in truth, but I was anxious… and I was full of concerns… and questions that would best be answered rather than for me to lay around all night fretting and thinking about them and quite possibly making up my own assumed answers.
Barefoot I padded out into the hall and was literally pulling my door closed when the one next to it opened up. Noah stood in the frame looking incredibly disheveled. I was not sure if it had been Mike or himself that had either disrobed or dressed him in the bright white tee and shorts but he casually grinned… in such a lecherous way… as he looked over at me. I pressed my lips together.
“Well well… it’s my new little sister all dolled down and looking ready for any bed…”
I arched a brow at his chosen words but wondered if he were just too drunk to realize how rude he was being. “Good night Noah” I murmur and begin to walk past him.
“Whooa… whoa where are you off to in such a rush?” He remarked stumbling forward and basically blocking my path down the hallway to the head of the stairs. I frowned harder.
“I am going to see my husband, not that it should matter to you. Aren’t you supposed to be in bed sleeping off the booze…”
“I’m lonely…” he smirks pressing even closer towards me which irritated me to no end. Odd that I did not feel scared, he was much bigger than me… but still not as large as his brother. And Mike was here still… not so far enough away that if I should screamed I knew that he would rush to check on the commotion.
“You are drunk and should sleep it off” I spit out and tried to sidestep him. Again, he moved into my path, moving much faster that I would expect for someone in his present condition.
“Come on… I know what you are… “ he sneered pressing a hand against the wall near where I stood impatiently annoyed by his antics.
“Pardon me?”
He leaned closer, the smell of liquor oozing from his pores. “You’re a party girl… everyone knows it… cept my brother apparently … you like to have funnnn… no clue why you did this stupid thing with my bro…” I felt sickened… not because I felt like I was some sort of snobby prudish bitch. I did like to have fun… but I did it on my own terms. Not with idiots and pushy losers like Noah.
“Even IFF I was not completely committed to this ‘stupid thing’ with your brother… I would never take YOU to my bed Noah” I sneered looking him directly in his hooded, probably blurred, eyes.
“I bet you warm up real easily though, don’t you little sister?” He was crowding me, literally almost holding me against the wall and being incredibly vulgar and disgusting. I slapped him harshly making him stumble back a step… not from my strength but more so out of complete shock. From the stunned grimace on his face I think he genuinely thought I was the super slutty chick that would do anything… or anyone… for a good time…
“Go sleep it off Noah… and MAYBE by the time you wake up you will find some manners and some proper respect for your brother that clearly loves you for some insane reason that escapes my wildest imagination right this minute”
I did not wait for his response. I was riled up and even more agitated now than I was before I left my room to find Michael. This whole flipping day had been one disaster after another, and I did not at all like the situation I found myself in. This is not the sort of life I wanted with all this drama and chaos and bitchy, bratty, moronic family and friends surrounding me from all angle.
I was stomping down the steps, fuming but came to a sudden halt when I saw Michael. He was stretched out awkwardly on the sofa… that was not nearly long enough for his 6foot 2inch body. He had his arm raised and draped over his forehead and a small throw blanket tossed across his waist, and he was shirtless. I suppose he heard me because he had lifted his arm and peeped from under it in the direction of where I stood midway down the stairs watching him. I had to admit he looked as exhausted as I felt. It took some of the steam out of my rage. Moving slower I proceeded to make my way to him. By the time I did he was sitting up. I could see now that he still wore his jeans and he did indeed look a bit haggled.
“Thought you were going to bed…”
“I did too” I reply as I settle onto the sofa beside him. There was a moment of silence. “Tonight was a disaster…”
He laughed softly and shook his head. “Your mother seems to dislike me immensely” I looked at him and he looked really disappointed. Which gave me hope strangely. It seemed to matter to him what my mother thought of him.
“I think…” I begin hesitantly… “She is concerned. I haven’t had any length of time to chat with her yet… but…”
“But you know I am right…” I shook my head
“I think…” I say again, why the hell was I being to damn hesitant. I shook my head, “I think that she is judging you more by the company you keep. And she does not seem to be a fan of your brother or your friend? Coworker? I honestly do not know what Mia is to you…” I look directly at him “Ex-lover?”
“What?!” He laughed out right and shook his head. “No… never that” he chuckled again. “She is my assistant… and yeah I count her a friend” Did he really not see that the woman was enamored of him at the very least… and at the most quite possibly in love with him. I shook my head. “And Noah… he is the only family I have now…” was his explanation.
I hesitated, again. Letting the silence build between us. My mixed emotions rioting against each other. The questions of who he might be against the knowledge of who he had been the time we have lived together. He literally could be the biggest, best liar I had ever met in my entire life I thought for the second time that night. But my gut doubted that assessment… I optimistically believed that he was a good man with some seriously unfortunate family. Wasn’t there a saying that sometimes you take the bad to get the good or something to that affect? They were part of his package… they came with him and if I wanted him I would have to find a way to deal with them. Based only on instinct, having nothing other than a hunch that he could be worth it… I uttered in a soft voice
“You have me now too” And for the second time that night he reached over and touched me… his hand gripping over mine.
“This whole thing is crazy, I do know that... and I think while we are getting to know each other there will be challenges because of how close we are... you know... living together and all. But I am glad that it was you that I was put together to try this thing out with Delia…”
I smirked as he used my mother’s nickname on me and I looked down at the contact between us. He never showed any sort of intimacy. But twice today he had… and each time… I felt jolted. Like the kiss we shared at the wedding, there was absolutely nothing passionate about the touch, no lust or burning desire, but those feelings coursed through me anyway. Was I completely insane? How could I be so vividly aware of the tiniest touch between us and he not feel a thing? My eyes moved slowly up his muscular arms and then down the expanse of his firm six-pack abs. The man was more fit than most of the guys I knew from the gym that were 10 years younger than him. Then I looked lower and I could not help but hear Mia’s taunting words about how… overfilled… I would be around him. My breath caught and when I drew my gaze back to his face I was certain that he was not nearly as immune to me as I kept thinking.
“You should come to bed Michael…” I blurt out and his eyes darkened making chills race down my back.
“If I go to your bed Delia… I won’t be keeping my hands to myself…”
“Hopefully… it will be our bed… and it wont only be your hands that you are not keeping off of me”
He grunted softly and rose while also pulling me to my feet. But before I could utter another word or make one move, he hoisted me into his arms and literally carried me away. He took the stairs two at a time making me giggle softly but I was hardly laughing when he kicked my room door shut with his foot and proceeded to lay me out on my bed. I definitely was not laughing anymore. I was tingling and aching and ready… very ready for him, for this. He stripped, he was not at all shy about it, and yes… when he was exposed, I could not help but confirm that Mia had been right. I reached to yank at my top but a firm “No” was hissed from his lips followed by a “I’ll do it” which made me almost melt into the bed. Every bit of me was heightened to the lightest caress as his thumb brushed my flesh inching my top upward and how his thigh brushed mine when he tossed the bit of cloth away. I had no idea where my clothes landed, and I didn’t care. But when his lips touched me, it felt like the fires of hell had ignited inside of me and I whimpered hard, squeezing my eyes shut while my toes curled, and my fists bunched in the covers under me. I was going to lose my fucking mind. It had been far too long… that was all... that had to be all. That had to explain the way every nuance of our lovemaking felt earth shattering to me. I simply was out of practice… that was all!
Panting violently minutes later… like literally minutes later both of us were spent. And I shook my head confused. And I heard him chuckle beside me before he pulled me into his arms. Then his breath was against my ear
“Let me regain my strength and I will make that up to you…” And I think my eyes bugged out.
“You mean it gets better than that?!” He chuckled again and placed a tender kiss against my neck and inhaled deeply making me tremble.
The very idea that it could get any better was simply absurd. But… an hour later he proved me completely and utterly wrong.
FEBRUARY - BE AUTHENTIC, SOMEONE WILL NOTICE - COMPLETE
Even though the next morning was Saturday, I overslept. Thanks solely to the fact that Mike kept me awake half the night… between spurts of sleep. And even though I was way off schedule for the day I would not complain a single bit. I felt lazy and happy and deeply sated. When I stretched, I could still feel the warmth of where his body had lay… well rested… on the bed when we weren’t busily messing up the bed. Or the floor. Or the chair in the corner over there. Wantonly I leaned over and buried my face in the pillow beside me and inhaled deeply before groaning softly.
It took me still a few more minutes to put forth the effort to get out of bed. Even knowing that I was sooooo far behind schedule. But when I finally roused from bed, I moved quickly to get ready. I showered and dressed in some comfy jeans, an oversized sweater and a pair of platform sneakers. Today was all about putting my ducks in their rows. Monday would be a whirlwind and I would not have time to do any of the legwork that needed to be done.
When I came down the stairs Mike was at the stove cooking and Noah sat at the kitchen island, elbows on the marble with his head resting… what looked painfully… in his hands. The bag and tablet I carried were set on the counter with a little clatter making the man wince. I did not at all feel sorry for him. Mike looked back and I could tell that he did not look extremely pleased but an instant later he smiled at me while he continued to whisk something together in a frying pan. Looked like eggs. Seconds later he had grabbed a plate and carried both to the counter and proceeded to serve his brother whatever the concoction was he just made. He shocked me however when he leaned closer and pressed a kiss against my temple
“You look rested…” was that a lie… I could not imagine that I would look rested after staying up all night… but I felt wonderful so I smirked imagining he could see some sort of glow after what he had done to me the previous night. “You headed out?”
“Yes… I need to the cosmetic store and then the drug store. Maybe I will just go to the department store because I also need a new rolling suitcase. Plus, I called Frederick’s and they said they had some of the nipple tape I like to use in stock, so I am going to run over there… One of the gowns I will wear is pretty amazing but extremely revealing and I don’t want to be falling out all on display and…”
“Urrghh… excuse me… tmi…” I am one hundred percent positive that I gave that man a look of complete and utter haughty disbelief as he gingerly nursed at the egg mix on his plate. What the hell was he even eating… and really… was he fucking serious right now? After the offensive stunt he had tried to pull last night. It was only Michael clearing his throat that drew my attention away from him though and I frowned thoroughly.
“Do you want some company?” Were they trying to keep me off balance this morning with one shock after another?
“You do know I will be outside…? in public... where people can see me…”
Noah snorted. Mike smirked. “I mean… usually that’s how people get around when they go out shopping right?”
“Well yes Mister Sarcasm… but you do not like the public… or having them too involved or prying about your life. And… well you probably do not know but the excitement over your little announcement has not quieted down since you made it a week ago…”
“My announcement?” He pretended to be completely clueless, but he continued to smirk at me. Was he poking fun at me or something? What the hell was his deal this morning? Then, I am certain to keep me even more off-balance, he walked over and stood behind me, both his arms resting on the counter beside me as he leaned into me from the back… He was being incredibly touchy today after weeks of no physical intimacy at all.
“Yes…” and I squirmed because I liked the feel of him pressed up against me. “when you announced that you were married… that we were married”
“Ooohh that… right. Such old news… why are they still talking about that?” He lowered his damn voice and leaned down so that his words hissed against my ear and it didn’t even matter what the hell he was saying. Just his breath and his voice were enough to send tingles down my spine. He could have been reading from a scientific textbook line by line and I would feel my damn stomach flip riotously.
“For fucks sake get a room…” Noah hissed then whimpered then got up and went to lay down on the sofa. Mike seemed to completely ignore his brother’s sulky attitude, much as he had the night before. Instead he turned me around to face him.
“So, what do you say Mrs. Royce… want your husband along for your jaunt or are you too embarrassed to be seen in my illustrious company?
“Of course, you can come with me… just don’t complain about all the attention we will get… there are likely paps stalking for a glimpse of us together since your announcement!” I cautioned him. The fact that he leaned down and kissed me instead of commenting made me think he wasn’t listening to a thing I was saying. Not that I mattered in the least.
“What about him?” I nod towards the sofa. Michael finally frowned looking in the direction and shook his head.
“Will deal with that later” He murmured before he pulled back and went off to get ready.
Within 20 minutes we were on our way, walking to the various destinations in Manhattan I needed to get to before the day was out. And as I suspected almost immediately, we were spotted and remarked upon. To give Michael credit he took it in stride, wrapping his hand around mine and walking me through the small crowd that began to gather a distance away. I had to admit though that having him along made the trip longer than it likely would have been if I had done it alone. I mean… I got noticed… sometimes. I had a little bit of a fan club… but Mike was big news and seeing him anywhere publicly seemed to titillate the paparazzi and the fans. I assumed it was because he was so elusive and secretive. I peeped at him a couple times and was really impressed by how unaffected he made himself look while I knew deep down how much he hated it. It made me admire him even more than I already did. And that precise thought made me sigh a little heavily. Two weeks. I had only been with him for two damn weeks. And every notion in my head revolved around him. I started thinking that it was a good thing I would be so wrapped up in work in the next weeks, to give myself a better perspective on what my life was becoming and to reaffirm the other areas of my life that up until the day January 15th, had been all that was important to me. Before I met Mike… I always put relationships on the back burner.
We made it to all the places I needed to go… and even stayed a little longer to browse at Fredericks after I got my tape. Mike’s idea of course. He was all too eager to have me model a few of the pieces in the shop and even informed the associate to box up the ones he liked the best. That’s how I came to find out about Mike’s weakness for sexy lingerie! After I finished with my shopping and Mike finished with his indulgences… he ordered an uber and we headed to Brooklyn for dinner. Which was odd considering he loved cooking himself… but the restaurant was so utterly unique it did not at all surprise me that it was somewhere he might like to go. Zenkichi was rather clandestine and cheeky, having to literally find the unmarked entrance, which Mike delighted in teasing me with… before being led to individual wooden booths completely enclosed by bamboo curtains. It was seriously as if we were dining alone. The upscale savory Japanese menu even offered tofu dishes that allowed me to experience his enthusiasm fully without having to make special menu alterations.
All in all, it was one of the best ‘task’ days I had spent in a long time. Mike kept me laughing and was actually a bit helpful with certain things while others he was completely distracting. But in the end I finished everything and I had a good time doing it and I wasn’t burdened with a headache by the time I got home or starving… since typically I would never have thought to stop and eat while I was running around getting everything arranged.
Mike was chuckling and I giggling over something that had happened when we returned to the apartment, completely at ease. Which may be why I was startled so badly when we flipped on the light switch. I jumped and screamed out in shock banging up against Mike who shot his hands out to settle me.
“What the hell … why are you sitting here in the damn dark!” I hissed angrily as my eyes lit on Noah sitting like some tomb on the sofa, looking even more ragged than he had that morning and last night. And he had another glass clutched in his fingers. Mike looked concerned when I looked at him but tight lipped. Was he really not going to say anything to his brother? My eyebrows furrowed and my lips pressed together as well before I shook my head. I grabbed the bags we returned with I stalked upstairs, very willing to avoid anything to do with his moody brother.
I proceeded to put away all the stuff that was purchased today… well except for the little black nightie Mike picked out. I definitely laid that out on the bed. But everything else I put away, well some of it I packed into my rolling case, getting that ready for work on Monday. Tomorrow would be my zen day… which I always did before a big hectic week like I had planned. I frowned a little though since I had not had one since being married. Well... Mike would just have to deal. I reviewed and responded to some emails and even peeped at our social media pages and blushed a bit seeing that there were definitely imagines of us together popping up all over from today. I was not sure what Mike would feel about that, so I closed them all down. Hell, I was not sure how I felt about it. My friends still bombarded me with questions and comments… so much shock, and ire that they were not informed or involved, and confusion. Everyone wanted to meet my husband, missed me… didn’t know why I had disappeared but assumed it was from the suddenness of my romance and unexpected marriage. If they only knew that I hadn’t even known the man just weeks ago they would all think I was completely insane. I shook my head and moved away from all of that. There was one more thing I needed to do today, especially since tomorrow was zen day.
Hesitantly I picked up my phone and dialed my mother. I had lagged my feet about this all day, I did not want to have a conversation with her about yesterday, but I had put it off to long already.
We spoke… it went as expected. She was not happy. He had secrets. He wasn’t being completely honest, he couldn’t be. The woman was too bold and daring… clearly, she did not expect any repercussions over her behavior. Why hadn’t he mentioned how close they were? Really, everything mom complained about came around to Mia. And I could not blame her. I mean… if I were on the outside looking in Mia would be a glaring red flag. Something was obviously not right there. And maybe I was so completely blinded by Mike’s charm that I was blissfully heading to a slaughter. I listened and assured her that I would continue to be careful and that I would not do anything extremely foolish while on this little ‘adventure’ as she was calling it now. She did not imagine it to be anything that I should take too seriously at all. And was very blunt about that… meanwhile I could hear Dad in the background claiming that the ‘lad’ was a good sort and that Mom should mind her business. To which she hissed and then I was pretty sure I heard a loud thud as if something had hit something else… then laughter. Mom huffed annoyingly then reiterated that I should guard myself against this ‘one’ meaning Mike. I had always given consideration for my mother’s advice in the past so I would not start now to ignore it, but I was not convinced that she was right. I most definitely did not share with her that I had slept with him after last night’s fiasco.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door so I wrapped up the convo quickly, told her I loved her and would talk again on Monday. She completely understood my rituals so I did not need to explain why there would be silence tomorrow. And after one more warning to be careful she was gone.
“So… fair warning…” He murmured with a smirk while stepping into the room without waiting a beat “that is the last time I knock to enter either of ‘our’ bedrooms…”
“Oh? I do not get to have any more privacy now?” He was looking around and his eyes landed on the skimpy black fabric laying on the bed. He walked over and fingered it then peeped over at me.
“None… I thought you liked having your personal life on display” he said softly as he picked up the fabric and held it. And I could tell honestly that he was teasing me, that he was hungry to continue what we had started last night. But his words made me frown. Which obviously confused him
“What’s wrong?” I shook my head quickly and tried to get out of my own head.
“Nothing… sorry…” I tried to recover quickly and strolled over to him.
“What happened to you always being candid…” I huffed a breath and rolled my eyes.
“It’s nothing really I took care of it…” Urgh why had I said that. Now he really looked concerned and stubborn as he asked again what was wrong. “Nothing… it was just something that your brother said and when you just said what you did… it made me concerned. Which was so silly, it was just bullshit anyway…”
“Noah? What did he say?”
“He was drunk Mike…and likely had no idea what he was doing or saying and its better to just leave it at that, I think. I shouldn’t have let what he said get into my head… that’s on me…”
“So… he did something as well?”
And that only served to make Mike ever more adamant to hear exactly what happened and what was said. In fact, he become so still and quiet that I almost got scared.
I glossed over the incident as much as I possibly could while trying to explain that the impression that Noah had gotten of me from the internet was the source of the trouble that occurred. So, when Mike had mentioned how public my life was… it made me reflect on Noah stopping me in the hallway the night before.
“So, he didn’t hurt you?”
“Noo… he didn’t touch me Mike. He was… he was drunk like I said… and acting on … erroneously translated information” I offered hopefully. Mike snorted.
“I will speak with him”
“Mike… really I handled it…” And he looked down at me, his jaw taut “It’s not necessary…” I tried to affirm
“Really?... because as Uncandid as you are being… I am fairly certain that you are telling me that my brother called or even quite possibly tried to treat my wife like a slut last night…”
And I proceeded to blush harshly. I never blushed. But I did. Because what exactly could I say to that. I tried to beat around the bush, something I claimed on day one I never did… which I usually didn’t and even then, he had read right through me.
“I will speak with him” he restated putting an end to that conversation. Silence ensued and I was uncertain what to do. There seemed to be a never-ending supply of awkward moments that arose between us. Getting to know ones husband after being married was challenging.
Apparently, he didn’t plan on lamenting over the situation. To prove it, he pulled me closer and immediately began to strip me. My pulse immediately raced. But he did the complete unexpected and dressed me again... well sort of. He slipped the black fabric over my head and then inspected how well the lingerie fit me more so than he had done in the shop, touching and stroking me while he walked around me.
“I will admit, I had fun shopping with you today…”
“You did?” I choked out. What an odd time to want to have a casual conversation. “What made it so special?”
“Never been shopping with a wife before…” he remarked as he brushed a finger across my shoulder and down my arm. He was literally tormenting me. “We will go to this store again…”
“We will?” I squeaked out
“Ummhmm… think I will thank you tonight for showing me how much fun shopping could be…” He had begun to nibble on my flesh, against my neck, my shoulder, across my cleavage.
“You will…? H..how?” And the wicked grin that spread across his face made me quiver. Instead of telling me he showed me. And I must admit, I liked the way my husband said thank you … very much.
Early the next morning Mike was still sound asleep when I woke. I smiled softly but slipped out of bed. A night of passionate sex before zen day would be a new experience I thought with a soft giggle.
The first thing I did was shut down all of my electronics. All of it… phone, tablet, laptop, even my fit bit and my apple watch. Mike happened to look up when I was doing it and asked. I felt a little awkward because some people thought I was completely zany about this day. But I explained to him that the day before a hectic week I completely shut down and only did things that enhanced my peace of mind. He didn’t look at me like I was crazy though, he looked curious. So, I gave him a breakdown of my ritual… completely disconnecting was just the beginning and that literally made him drop his jaw. I rolled my eyes at his antics and continued speaking. I did some sort of charity work on zen days… usually at the homeless shelter on east 81st street serving a hot or cool meal depending on the season… a way to keep life in perspective and show gratitude and to give back in a small way. At some point during the day I mediated, did yoga and had a masseuse come in to work any nerves out of my system. I fasted and only had one meal just after sundown although I did drink calming tea during the day periodically so that I did not get dehydrated. Sounds that would be allowed in my day included a tabletop relaxation fountain, a selection of relaxing music and I usually kept lighting minimal preferring candles plus I also burned incenses at some point during the day. Basically, I hit all the relaxation techniques on zen days… anything that brought peace and serenity and calmness into my life. The days after would be so completely chaotic that I needed this mental unwind to prepare for it. At his silence I actually squirmed which was stupid since I had been doing this for years, and I knew I was not embarrassed or uncomfortable with my actions.
“I guess you think I am silly or crazy…” I laughed softly
“Not at all” he said just sitting up in bed, his chest was exposed, and the covers were bunched at his waist. I knew he was completely naked underneath… he looked delicious. “kind of impressed actually…”
“Thank you…” I grin pleased by his regard. “I was about to walk over to the shelter… I thought you would sleep a bit longer. I wont be gone long… a little more than a hour maybe.”
“I’ll go with you” He stated as he flipped the covers away and stood making my stomach coil upon seeing his sexy body fully exposed. But I tried to focus on his words.
“You want to go to a homeless shelter?”
He chuckled, “you think I am not worthy?”
“I… just didn’t know you would want to”
“I do” he stated firmly.
And he did. It only took each of us less than 30 minutes to get ready. We completed our charity service in the soup kitchen… I almost always served there. It was the least emotionally draining service to give, in my opinion. There were other places that one could volunteer but I almost always opted to work in the meal line. He was really enthusiastic and engaging at the shelter. Outgoing and charming especially to the young children that would come up shyly for what might likely be their one meal of the day. It was a hard thing to do sometimes… I didn’t always get out of the shelter without crying afterwards but I usually did this by myself and no one ever saw how it really affected me. But Mike’s cheerfulness and wickedly teasing personality kept people grinning, especially me. We stayed a bit longer than I originally planned and when we did finally leave Mike was quiet for a while. Eventually he discussed how depressing the food offered made him feel. He talked about how the studio always claimed to send the left over foods from his shows to the local shelters but how he had not really ever thought about visiting one and now that he did it was weighing on his mind. The point of visiting the shelter… for me… was to remind myself to be thankful for what I had, to know that things were difficult for so many other people in the world, to ensure that I never forgot to feel humility and compassion. But I also always visited the shelter early in the day on zen days. I knew that it wrecked the spirit a bit… and I needed the rest of my ‘treatments’ to bring equilibrium to my soul. When we got home, I wasn’t sure what he needed to help him through his current state of emotions. So, I went about my regular routine, boiling a pot of hot water, instead of using the Keurig machine, and steeping two bags of lavender and chamomile tea one for each of us. I turned on a recording of soothing nature sounds and there was a tabletop water fountain that I set up specifically for this day. Strangely, he seemed to accept my silence and my routine without any comment of his own. He even joined me when I sat into a meditative pose. But then a loud bustle from upstairs warned that Noah was moving about. Mike rose, came over and pressed a kiss against my scalp then moved to go deal with his brother leaving me to my custom.
My day proceeded as planned. Mike headed out at one point taking Noah with him. When he arrived back home many hours later, it was just getting to be sundown, he was alone and most of my activities were done for the day. I was just beginning to chop some veggies that I planned to saute for dinner. He plucked a carrot slice and chomped on it as we began to chat. I asked how he was feeling, he asked how my day went… we talked about the fact that the next week would be so busy that we would likely not see much of each other. The meal I prepared was rather simple and unimpressive compared to his cooking, but he shared it with me without complaint along with a bottle of Pinot Noir. That night sex between us was slow and tender.
And despite the fact that our schedules were so very limited and oppressive over the next week, we still managed to slip into bed late each night and make time for the other, enthusiastically. Only to start the very next day in the same fashion, each rushing out to another frenzied day of recordings or runway chaos before we would get an opportunity to see each other again.
I was not at all disappointed about having our nighttime escapades interwoven into my daily routine. They were definitely habits I could get used to very easily.
FEBRUARY - WITCHCRAFT IN YOUR LIPS - COMPLETE
The first thing I did after plugging back in on Monday morning, was search for and order what I imagined to be a fun and unique valentine’s gift for Michael. I had been inspired the night before and I was pretty excited when I put in the rush order that would have my gift arrive hopefully no later than the 10th. If it didn’t arrive on time, I would be kind of screwed because I would not at all think of what else to do for the day. I rarely put any effort into Valentine’s Day, am pretty sure I had never been in any relationship on that particular day in my life. This was going to be another new experience. Perhaps he didn’t even celebrate the day and I was making the effort foolishly. But… it was too late. I had ordered my gift, so I would follow through with my plan even if he did not do anything. I smirked softly… my ‘gift’ was for both of us really anyway…
But that was literally the only time I spent on anything other than work the rest of that day and every day after that until the package arrived on the 10th as planned. Mike was the one that retrieved it, considering that the box was sitting on the bed when I got home that day. And the man was entirely too curious about its contents which I informed him were none of his business. Which only seemed to make him more curious. I just grinned wickedly and carried the box to store away in the closet while he watched… not opening it.
Unlucky for him he was working the next four days and wouldn’t be off again until Valentine’s day, which gave me plenty of time to set up my little ‘gift’. The first thing I did was to confirm that the right items had been delivered and I must admit, I was more then excited with the product. I grinned mischievously as I gave it a complete once over. I was certain it would set the mood perfectly. Over the course of the next few days I would spend time chatting and visiting with my mom, getting her to walk me through the preparation and cooking process of the meal I planned to make… although she did so grudgingly… she was clearly still not a fan of me expending my efforts or care towards my husband.
On the 13th I did my grocery shopping… even with my mother’s guidance, this part of my plan was likely not to be as great, but the other part should more than make up for my trying to cook him a meal. I laughed. Thankfully he would get home extremely late so wouldn’t be heading to the kitchen for any reason and would therefore not notice the extra ingredients stocked in both the fridge and cabinets.
The next morning, I woke up fairly early apparently too giddy to rest well despite the fact that my husband decided he wanted to begin celebrating our first Valentine’s day together immediately at midnight. It took a couple hours for him to be completely satisfied with his efforts to drive me completely insane and allowed us to rest.
I carefully slipped out of bed, kind of desperate not to wake him, and padded naked through the hallway and down the stairs to the powder room below where I hid my ‘gift’. I grinned wickedly as I slipped it on. The white Florence Net and lace trimmed panties hugged my body perfectly and with the delicate black lettering stitched across the ass it was sure to drive Michael crazy considering how much he appreciated lingerie. Then I tugged a black and white see through princess satin lace maid’s apron over my head. It was sleeveless with heart-shaped polka-dotted lace bust and a white organza ruffle stitched around the edge plus black lace ties. The last touches included a delicately stitched black lace collar strap, wrist cuffs and garter belt of the same fabric, each edged with white ruffles, a pair of black 6 inch open-toed Pleasure heels and finally a cute little French maid headband. I bit my lip staring at my reflection in the mirror trying to imagine his reaction. But I giggled, imaging that this was totally the easy part of the morning… then I thought I maybe should have cooked before I dolled up… but what if he woke up while I was cooking and I wouldn’t have a chance to change while I wa…. Urgh… I was overthinking.
I shook my head and stepped out of the room and went to the kitchen. I had already prepared an asparagus, spinach, bacon and swiss cheese quiche the day before so I pulled that out of the fridge and turned the oven on an extremely low setting to let it heat up, mom let me know it would be better to simmer in the oven at a low temp rather than using the microwave to reheat. Then I began pulling out the ingredients for the eggs benedict I would make for Mike. I had never cooked eggs or any sort of meat before. And since I was a vegan mom became my test subject. It wasn’t until my third attempt that she proclaimed I was ‘getting the hang of it” which I laughed about even now. Hopefully Mike would appreciate my effort even if I fucked up on taste.
“Fucking hell” I hissed snatching my thumb and stuffing it against my mouth after singing it lightly on the lid of the saucepan and I frowned annoyingly
“What on earth are you doing?” I jumped and spun wide-eyed to stare at Mike looking entirely too handsome with his hair still messy from bed and just a pair of boxers hanging low on his waist. It didn’t seem to take long for his eyes roam over my ‘costume’ but another second past and he was staring at the mess I had made in the kitchen. I made an effort to grin cheekily while waving the hand that held a spatula in a whoosh across the display before him…
“Happy Valentine’s Day…?”
Suddenly there was a buzzer going off and I frowned again having lost complete train of thought on what I was doing. Quickly I looked down to the recipe book trying to figure out which stage of the process I was at again, while everything around me continued to simmer or boiler or heat. Mike, bless him, jumped into action… seemingly figuring out pretty quickly what I was doing. He turned burners down, rearranged pots, and cleared a place to lay out plates.
“I was going to do it…” I muttered as I wrinkled my nose to which he laughed. I was literally like 90% of the way done with the meal, if he had stayed in upstairs just a little longer, I would have been able to serve him in bed like I planned.
“Don’t tell me you are one of those people too stubborn to accept help when they clearly need it!”
I pouted a little, “I just wanted to do something special for you” I noticed him peep over at me while he finished poaching the eggs.
“Turn around…” he suggested in a low voice. A wicked grin spread across my face as my heels clicked while I turned. The grunt was music to my ears. “No one is ever going to get confirmation that you are ‘Michael’s Wifey’ from reading that…”
I twisted around and bent awkwardly while pushing my ass out a little to see if I could see the wording from this angle wondering if there was a misprint that I missed. I was certain it was perfect when I inspected it… “What…? What’s wrong with it?”
He grunted again and I looked over to see that he was stirring the hollandaise sauce now before he bothered to glance back over to me. His eyes glinted darkly, looking both provoked and aroused. “No one else is ever going to see them… that’s why”
Now… I will adamantly admit that possessiveness and jealousy had always been a huge turn off for me. Always. It always made me feel like a man was weak and insecure. And that he felt threatened. But… right then and right there a jolt so savage and violent tore through me at the very obvious hint of possessiveness in Mike’s tone. My core pulsed and became dewy instantly, my breathing hitched, the skin on every inch of my body prickled with awareness.
Suddenly another chime went off and I frowned, the distraction an actual happy one considering how confused I felt by the sudden turbulent lust that was raging inside of me over something I always thought I hated with a passion. Then I gasped, realizing what it was and pushed him aside a little to pull the oven door down. The quiche was sizzling and getting a little too golden. Mike was there first with a mitt and pulled the dish out to set it on the counter as well. When I straightened back up while shutting the oven my eyes locked on the broad expanse of ripped muscles in his chest.
“If you keep looking at me like that this food is going to be completely wasted…” I darted my gaze up and couldn’t help it. I smirked wickedly at both the hunger and the tortured tone of his voice. “I’ve married a witch” he hissed and tried to re-focus on the food I was supposed to be making. I giggled softly, some of my own tension eased by witnessing his own, and I moved to grab the English muffin to set it open faced on the plate. He moved a sliver of Canadian ham then the poached egg and sauce over the bread. He even noticed the diced chives I had set out and sprinkled a small amount over the top of the small stack.
While he sliced into the quiche, I pulled a bottle of champagne and some orange juice from the fridge and made him a mimosa which he chuckled to.
“What?”
“You can keep that…” I frowned and looked down at the flute I held
“You don’t want it?”
“A mimosa?” He looked like I had insulted his manhood. “I have some stoli on the bar, I can have that with breakfast if we are having a drink…” he grunted out and I swear it reminded me of my father. I shook my head at the ridiculousness of it. Yet I went to the bar and poured a measure of pineapple stoli into a highballer glass and clicked my way back to his side. I was not disappointed to see that he watched me strolling back to him… I assumed he watched me walk away too. There was definitely a noted interest down at his pelvis region.
But the man was still so full of will power it was a bit annoying. He was obviously turned on, but he still managed to avoid pouncing on me and carried his plate to the table. There had obviously been only one helping of the eggs benedict and since everything was basically made with animal products he seemed to understood that it was all for him.
“Are you going to stand there gawking or join me?” I shook my head and laughed because I was literally standing there gawking, waiting to see what he might think of the food I made. I slipped into the chair beside him and he crudely pulled it closer to his. He was making a big show of taking his time to cut into the stack and finally lifting the fork to him lips and infuriatingly chewing on the bite so slow I wanted to slap him. Then he proceeded to say absolutely nothing. I arched a brow and waited. And waited… he didn’t go to take another bite, he didn’t complain or praise it… I had no clue what he thought.
“Well??”
“Oohhh…” he exclaimed as if just realizing something… “you are wondering how it tastes?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Of course damn you…” and instead of answering the man provoked me more by slowly cutting into the food again soooooo slowly and lifting the bite upward to investigate it. I was watching so intently, so on edge… then suddenly he tilted the fork and hovered it right before my lips. I frowned harder.
He returned my challenging arch with one of his own. I pressed my lips together firmly.
“Ohh… so you expect me to eat your horrible food… but you get to escape unscathed?” My eyes widened.
“It tastes bad…?” I sounded incredibly disappointed, but he just jostled the bite of food before my mouth again insisting that I try it. I continued to look at him skeptically and feeling stubborn but finally I gave in and parted my lips, letting him feed me. I chewed slowly as well… waiting for the unpleasantness to assail me but then I narrowed my gaze on him.
“It’s not bad…” I accuse him and he smirked as he cut into it normally now and took another bite…
“Nope… not bad…” I slapped his arm at the vicious prank he pulled, reaching for my drink and washing the taste from my mouth. But then I became a little thoughtful as he continued to eat.
“It could be better…” to which he smirked again and nodded.
“Definitely could be better…”
I smirked as well, appreciating his honesty although I was still smarting over the way he had tricked me into eating even just a bite. What’s worse is that I didn’t actually hate the taste of it… or feel like gagging as most other Vegans always claimed to feel anytime they accidently ingest meat or dairy. Like… as long as I had been avoiding animal products I should feel some sort of revulsion. I was pretty sure that was the normal way of things… I did not particularly like the fact that twice now my body had not rejected outright the very thing I claimed disgusted me.
When he finally finished, I stood and began to clean away the dishes and the mess I had made. He sat at the table watching, I could feel him watching even when I wasn’t looking directly at him. So, I made very purposeful movements, bending and stretching at angles that I knew would show off and accentuate my barely-there outfit, hoping to stroke a fire of need in him. I was just loading the last of the dishes when he finally rose and brought over his glass, handing it to me instead of rinsing it himself and storing it away. He did not say anything, or make any demand, or become aggressive in any way… but still… it felt like such a powerplay to me. So subtle yet compelling. And shamefully, for whatever reason, every feminine inch of me trembled with an eagerness to take care of what he seemed to want. A stupid simple single glass being placed in the dishwasher should not have felt so strangely bewitching.
“Now…” He suddenly announced before he hooked his hands around my waist and lifted me off the floor. I gasped but it was a quick move, in a second I was settled, my ass sitting on the counter and him moving between my legs “…time for my other gift” he hissed and leaned in to kiss me deeply.
For heaven’s sake I nearly died in that kitchen that morning… in the most glorious way.
It wasn’t until mid-afternoon when Mike confirmed he had given some thought to Valentine’s Day. Not that I would have minded if he hadn’t… I was still recovering from the gift I had given him. He apologized though, claiming that he had ‘only’ thought of going to the movies. I was more than fine with that idea and thought it cute that we would be going on a ‘date’…
He didn’t give me any more details than that… a movie. Seemed simple enough. I tossed on a pair of leggings, some calf-length heeled boots and a printed tee. I took the time to curl my hair a bit and doll up with some make up but otherwise, kept things rather sporty and chic. He looked ruggedly handsome in a pair dark Levis that fit him to perfection, a black graphic button-down, some white Converse and an expensive leather bomber.
The theater was a short distance away from the apartment building, so we walked. Once again, it was very obvious to me that we were noticed once we were on the street. Several bulb flashes exploded a few feet away and I knew he could hear the voices shouting his name from across the street. Neither of us looked but I took note that Mike switched sides with me on the sidewalk, taking the street-side as if he were sheltering me from the paparazzi clamoring for his attention. There was no one lingering in front of the theater when we arrived so luckily, we were not forced to dawdle on the street for more witnesses to spy us. But even after we entered the lobby, I noticed there was only attendants inside. I frowned a little bit.
“Is the theater open for business?” I whispered at him wondering if we would be tossed out. One of the ushers approached us almost immediately after I spoke.
“Mister Royce, welcome! Mrs. Royce…” the young man… Troy… according to his name tag greeted us with a warm smile. “Everything has been arranged as you requested Mister Royce… and there is a selection of six movies that you can choose from at the dais just before you enter the auditorium…” I am certain I looked completely confused. Mike just grinned down at me before escorting me to the dais.
“What did you do?” I hissed at him again noting that there was absolutely no one else here but the employees.
“I told you I made arrangements for us to go to the movies… I hear this movie Uncut Gems is supposed to be really good… Birds of Prey? Bad Boys? The Gentlemen?”
“There’s no one here…” I pointed out.
“We are here…” he pointed out. “What do you want to watch?” He was grinning like a loon. I returned his grin with my own while shaking my head ruefully. The man had literally rented out a whole theater to take me out to the movies.
“Do you ever do anything like ‘normal’ people?” I ask with a little laugh
“Urgh… I hope not!” He teased and I loved that he said as much.
We picked a movie together then entered the auditorium. Inside there was a table set up with an array of gourmet hors d’oeuvres laid out as if we were at some fancy party. He ushered me over and set a plate in my hand which he loaded with one of everything… just the one plate…along with two drinks then walked me to a comfortable reclining loveseat. It was one of 5 seats like it in the whole auditorium, but it was the one smack dab in the middle giving the best view and comfort to watch a movie. Once we were seated he began picking items from the plate and lifting them to my mouth for a taste.
He had totally lied to me about how intricate his ‘date’ would be. Or rather… mislead me to expect something far less grand.
Our drinks apparently called a Wild Hibiscus Peppered Petal Punch… was made of several ingredients including a cognac, gin, liqueurs, juice, herbs, bitters, soda and apparently an actual wild hibiscus flower.
Next he lifted what looked like pate. I frowned.
“What is it?” I asked hesitantly…
“This is herbed mushroom pate on chickpea crackers”
The next was obviously bruschetta so I accepted that without pause… olive oil drizzled tomato and basil bruschetta to be exact he pointed out.
Next was a strange item I never heard of before, Citriburst citron caviar which he served over a cream puff. They were tiny balls of lemony-line pulp from a finger lime that looked remarkably like caviar.
The cucumber spring rolls were crisp and delicious. Next though was another suspicious item. I arched a brow…
“Is that meat Michael?”
“Yes…” he replied honestly, still holding the item up, offering it to me… making my pulse race.
The lights suddenly dimmed, and the movie was obviously about to start but he continued to hold the item up.
“You know I don’t want it…” I whisper… as if I might interrupt other movie watchers that did not exist.
“I like watching you taste my food. You don’t have to of course…” he stated and I knew he would not force me to. And I still, even after having him try to offer me various products over the last month, I still knew that he would not be upset if I turned it down. Yet, for some reason I felt conflicted. Why though. I had not been tempted over meat in years… yet ever since I had been with Michael… he convinced me to try it not once but twice already and has tempted me more times than that. It did not make any sense.
“What is it?” I ask and watch him wiggle the skinny length of what looked like speckled chocolate.
“It’s delicious…” I knew he knew I meant what type of food item it was. Previews started flashing across the screen. “I was a very good boy… I only brought one little meat product to tempt you with tonight… everything else has been remarkably vegantastic…” I pressed my lips together at his absurd words. A good boy indeed. He slouched on the sofa and tilted his head to the side so that he was sort of looking up at me with the most ridiculous puppy dog eyes. Seriously, he was laying it on thick tonight. Since when had I become gullible to peer pressure!
“Fine” I hissed irritably and I could clearly make out his bright white grin in the darkened room. I could not however make out more than the shape of the piece of food I took from his fingers. It definitely felt like chocolate. But he confirmed it was meat. I was scared… and sadly curious… I kind of hated myself for the curiosity. Gingerly I nibbled on the tip of the strip but he insisted that I needed to take a full bite to really get the full affect. To which I rolled my eyes dramatically. After chewing a few seconds my eyes narrowed then widened and narrowed again… “Is this freakin’ bacon?”
He laughed as he sat back up and confirmed… gold dusted dark chocolate bacon strips. I hated him right now, with like every fiber of my being… because I ate the entire length of bacon and had to seriously resist the urge to grab another. I really truly hated him right now.
At some point during the movie, Mike got comfortable again and somehow ended up with his head in my lap with my fingers brushing through his hair as we watched the movie. Or rather I watched the movie… at one point I looked down and saw that he was instead gazing up at me and not the screen. And I had no idea what he was thinking or why he was staring. Or why I had totally already forgotten how much I did not like him very much tonight. I smirked softly…
“What Mike…? You’re missing the movie…”
Suddenly he sat up… well leaned rather, his elbow braced on the side of the chair beside my thighs on the opposite side of where he sat and he was facing me. The intensity of his gaze was unnerving, and I was a bit anxious over what might be going through his head. He didn’t say anything… but I felt like he should be, with the way he was looking. I swallowed a nervous lump. Then, without warning one of his hands cupped the back of my head and pulled me forward until our lips met. The kiss was full of hunger, deep and passionate, his tongue tangling with mine making me literally whimper softly as I felt myself melting towards him. But then he pulled back, and he was breathing a bit ragged like me. He pressed his forehead against mine for the briefest of seconds then pulled back further. Again, he was unreadable, I had absolutely no idea what was going on in his head but then he grinned and lay back down, head back in my lap and he refocused on the movie.
What the actual hell!? Who did stuff like that… random passionate kisses then complete and utter casualness? He looked perfectly relaxed and comfortable… not one single care in the world.
Even when we arrived back at home later that night, I still did not know what the hell happened or what to say. He kept me off-balance, edgy, anxious, confused… doing incomprehensible things… I felt fucking woozy without the need of a single drop of alcohol. I never knew what to expect from him.
Before the apartment door was even closed, he had me pulled into his arms, kissing me, caressing me, making me whimper and moan. Pulling me into the living room we both started ripping the others clothes off. It was like we were both obsessed… desperate... drugged or cursed. I needed him like fucking air in my lungs right there and then. He shoved me up against one of the cold glass panel windows growling into my neck while his hands hoisted me off the ground and he took me. My back against the window and our moans filling the room. My husband had put some sort of all-consuming spell on me! The fucking man had me wound up tighter than Lil Kim’s face lift… and it was recklessly, savagely, mindlessly exciting.
MARCH - CHAOS PRECEDES GREAT CHANGE - COMPLETE
The weeks after Valentine’s day passed in a little bit of a blur. Once again work began to impose on my day to day life… well our lives. Mike was busy with work as usual, and it seemed that he was a bit stressed out about something but, whether it was because I was under my own swamp of challenges in my own professional career or if he simply did not trust me enough yet, he did not share with me what was going on. I think that I did not even begin to notice that anything was off until around the beginning of March.
In the two weeks following Valentines I literally had three callbacks with the casting director, and the director at the last one, of the tv series. Each time I felt great leaving the interviews but there was still no choice made after each visit. The week after that I got a call from my agent about several go-sees lined up, including a week in Los Angeles the third week of March. Then directly after that I had a editorial shoot with both Vogue and Edit magazines. So it was about to be another hectic month for me.
And then we had these appointments to visit counselors regarding the marriage. Sex between Mike and me was still, in my opinion, phenomenal. He was attentive and sexy and passionate and playful and…urgh… just… he was great. But I could not shake the feeling that something was really weighing heavily on his mind and he was not willing… or able… to let me in. But maybe I was completely misreading things or imaging things in my own mind because I was in my own head with work stuff… which I also did not share with him.
But that was something I definitely brought up when I went to visit Dr. Keller. I felt like I was being interviewed initially as she quizzed me about several different aspects of my relationship with Mike. She was very interested in our interactions, what sorts of things we did together, how we cohabitated… if we did… whether we were spending enough time together. And for whatever reason, despite the fact that as the meeting went on she seemed to be quite straight forward and a bit cold in delivery, I began to open up to her more and more about concerns that I suppose I knew I had but had not really been spending a lot of time trying to dissect.
“Do you feel that the interactions between you and Michael have been sufficient and worthwhile?”
I frowned a little. “We spend time together every day. Even if it is at the end of the day in be…” I blushed and pressed my lips together. I suppose I felt awkward and a little hesitant to discuss my sex life with a rather pretty woman.
“So… you are intimate with your husband?” I mean… this was the point of all this right? She’s a professional, someone I should be able to discuss these things with.
“Yes… that part of our lives is perfectly fine…”
“And which parts are not?”
I frowned at that. To be completely honest, I did not have a lot to complain about regarding Michael. He had a good personality, he was funny, witty, considerate. Well…
“Um… well he can seem closed off sometimes. I mean… he is never unfriendly or boorish. It is just… I can tell sometimes that he is deep in thought, but he doesn’t always communicate what he is feeling. Which could totally be because things are so new between us still… but the thing that really has me worried I suppose is our family and well his ‘co-worker slash friend’”
“Tell me more about them…” So I told her about the dinner party and how it went. How my mother was completely judging Mike over his brother and his friend. Meanwhile I explained my concern about his brother’s drinking… and how that seems to cause him to have poor judgement. I did not however tell her exactly what happened, just that he isn’t very good to be around. And then I griped quite a bit about Mia. And even as I was talking I really found myself thinking that I sounded quite bitter about the closeness that she claimed to have with Michael.
“Are you jealous over their friendship?”
“I am not sure it is just a friendship…”
“So you think he is unfaithful?”
“Huh….” I looked at her frowning. “Well… no…” then I chuckled a bit cockily… “I seriously doubt he would have the energy to bed another woman”
“So why are you threatened by their friendship?”
I frowned again… was I threatened? I certainly did not like the intimacy that she had claimed to share with him. But Michael had never claimed to share the intimacy.
“The way they talk about each other is different. He only talks about her in work terms, she hints at more… and he does not elaborate. It is obvious he is close to her and he has known her a long time and he considers her a friend… but he does not exactly clear up the confusion about their closeness…”
Dr. Keller just wrote down some notes.
“What about his other relationships?” She asks and I frowned again.
“You mean like girlfriends?” She nodded. And I had to admit that we had never talked about any past relationships. Neither of us. She wrote down more notes and I lifted a brow. “I personally don’t feel that past relationships have a lot of bearing on new ones… I do not associate my feelings and this relationship with Michael with any feelings I had for anyone else in the past. And well… I understand that Mike can be kind of private about some things and I try to respect that”
“Most people carry around a lot of unresolved emotions, especially about previous relationships. You have never once been curious about the types of women or what has gone wrong with his past relationships that has brought him to the point that he would marry an entire stranger versus looking for love on his own? He has not asked you?” I did not really appreciate the doctor’s candidness at this point because these were hard questions that never dawned on me. I pressed my lips together and had to accept that she was right. It was odd that neither of us had ever once tried to find out WHY we were doing this… I mean I knew my reasons and I just assumed that Mike, being a busy ambitious entrepreneur was in a similar frame of mind as me.
Regardless at the end of the hour that had been allotted to speak with this counsellor I was not better off than I went in. I did not like feeling so confused and unbalanced and full of questions. I was usually upbeat and carefree and Michael… well this relationship… seemed to be changing that in me. I mean not all the time, when it was just me and him… alone… it was fun and exciting and wonderful. It was only after other things came into play that I would realize that there was so very much that was uneasy about our relationship.
I was completely unnerved when I was taken in to meet with Dr. Mott right after my interview with Dr. Keller. And it did not at all help that the man was extremely good looking. I typically felt extremely comfortable around almost anyone… but I was tense after the last meeting and this sexy man was someone that I was supposed to share personal intimate thoughts with. Not to mention I was a married woman. And why was I reminding myself that I was married? I frowned a little. Was I concerned I wanted to spend time with other men? Or… or was it because I was content being a married woman. That I actually wanted to brag to someone that I was a married woman? I frowned hard and he seemed to notice it.
“Why am I so edgy and confused and worried all the time!” I hissed. Like despite my initial thoughts of hesitation seeing him… it took me far less time to open up to Dr. Mott because my emotions were already heightened, and the concerns were rolling around in my head. “I am not this person Dr. Mott…”
He encouraged me to talk about what was on my mind. And so I did, telling him how I liked Mike and how confused I was becoming. That when he got solemn and distant it made me feel edgy and… well confused. That seemed to be the trend. Confusion. And excitement and worry and needfulness. Because yes, I needed him sometimes. And why was it that I suddenly found myself in a situation where I wanted to please him all the damn time. I went off on another tangent really giving Dr. Mott a triad of emotions about the fact that I had cheated on being a Vegan three whole times in the few months I had been with Mike when I had not done it at all in 10 years before I met him. Why was I caving into peer pressure…? That what it was right? He was making me do things I did not want to do. No… he wasn’t forcing me to do anything and he never made me feel like he would be disappointed or upset if I didn’t do them. But he made me want to do them for him and why was I willing to do things for him that I would never have been willing to do for anyone else? It was like I had zero willpower around the man. And I did not like it!
Then I blushed, realizing the rant I had just gone on and looking away trying not to imagine what the doctor must be thinking of me.
“And is it just with your relationship that you are having challenges? How is work?”
It was odd, I should have known better, but I was surprised not to hear any sort of judgement in his tone. If I had gone on a tangent like that with my mom she would have been right in there giving her two cents on each topic. Dr. Mott was a professional though and I felt even more embarrassed over how I assumed he might react.
“Work… it is okay I guess.” I hesitated then looked at him. “There is one thing. And well… I guess I really just need to talk to someone about this yeah… I … well… I am working on a make up line. And it has been in mock-up for at least 6 months now. But I am struggling to find the capital I need to get it going. And my frustration is that I have options that I cannot wrap my head around using. I can’t talk to my parents about it… because I know that they will try to jump in and help out. They would invest without hesitation, but I don’t want to use their money to be successful you know…? I want to do this on my own. And I can’t talk with Michael about financial matters because… well I barely know him. And while he is my husband, I am not sure he would accept my talking to him about this situation as JUST talking. He might think I am trying to hit him up for the investment because he is successful… and I do not want to even run that risk so I cannot talk to him about it. And my friends… they are all supportive, but none of them are really raking in any kind of money to be considered investors. WHICH by the way I would do, if they were options because I feel like most of them would only do it if they found value in it, not just because they want to be supportive of me. Does that make sense? Anyway, most of my friends are up and coming actors or struggling artists and models. They are fun but not particularly the investment capital sorts… and I am not really sure where to go at this point but…I am going to keep trying… you know” I chuckled softly as relief at finally getting that off my chest hit me. “Seems I had been holding on to that for a while”
“And how do you feel about your family?” I looked a little confused…
“I love my family very much.”
“And Michael?” That gave me pause I mean I started to say something but then closed my mouth as thoughts of him filled my head.
“I… I am infatuated by him… I think… I am definitely attracted to him” I remark after a huge amount of silence. Dr. Mott just wrote notes. I frowned… “I… I think it’s more than just physical attraction” I added… and he nodded but still did not comment. But he also had me overthinking… trying to pinpoint what exactly it was that I felt for Michael. Why did my stomach twist into knots when I simply thought of him and why did I get so critical or high-strung about things when it came to him.
The hour was soon up, and Dr. Mott thanked me for coming in. Sadly, I left both of my sessions with a bit more questions than I had going in. And I could not help but wonder how the sessions would go for Mike when he visited each. I was not a fan of my unruly thinking and my constant second-guessing things. And also not a fan of how these insane worrisome thoughts always seem to dissipate whenever I my husband was attentive and present, when it was just the two of us with no other influences and he was not in his own head thinking whatever it was that he thought of in those quiet moments.
MARCH - MY CONFESSIONS (totally sings lyrics) - COMPLETE
Dr.Keller
Actually Dr. Keller, after our session I left with far more concerns than I came in with. And I am not sure where to begin. I know that the whole situation with my mother's feelings towards Mike and then the situation between Mia and me are things that definitely need to be resolved. But now you also have me concerned and worried about Mike's need to keep his life private... how he hasn't really opened up about his past with me but maybe that is my fault for never really prying. Should I pry more? Or continue to wait for him to feel comfortable enough to open up to me more...?
Dr.Mott
Hiya Dr. Mott... also after meeting with you I came away with more questions than I came to you with but still... I think my biggest concern and my own personal struggle has definitely been my waning convictions. Doing things out of character is confusing to me. I have literally cheated already three times on my Vegan lifestyle.. THREE! All influenced by Mike but I did it. What is wrong with me that I am succumbing so easily to pressure in this situation, and I can't even really claim that it is exactly a huge amount of pressure. I give in with almost no resistance at all. It is completely not like me! I feel like maybe I need some help and guidance on this.
OUTFIT
VALENTINE'S DAY MEET THE EXPERTS
ROUND 2 DONE
Last edited by BambiFoxx (07/02/2020 at 11:37)
